Photo from the Busted Racquet Blog on Yahoo.com

Last Saturday night at the US Open, female tennis goddess Serena Williams was charged with a costly one-point penalty on her match point after showering a line judge with profanity-laced complaints over the judges foot fault call on her last serve.  Williams’ tirade made McEnroe’s historic hissy fits sound like he was an Eagle Scout.  Her tantrum included multiple f-bombs, swear-filled death treats and even the old high school P.E. class standby

“…I’m [expletive] going to take this [expletive] ball and shove it down your [expletive] throat…”

Ahhh, Serena…  What fodder you’ve provided us sports and entertainment bloggers around the globe.  The idea that someone of your superstar stature can also have an immature spaz session just makes all of us humans sleep that much better at night.

So this epic meltdown got me thinking about none other than Golden Tee Golf. Believe it or not, I’ve seen Golden Tee do amazing things to grown men. Cry, bleed, break appendages, kick, scream, fight, scratch, holler, fall over and yes – hurl.  Considering these realities – as sad, depressing and unfortunate as they all are – I’ve never seen any of these tilt sessions cost a Golden Tee player a match, big or small.

And while nobody has ever lost a World Championship for threatening to shove a  trackball down Gary Colabuono’s throat, I can say that players have lost certain privileges in Golden Tee for use of profanity in their LIVE nicknames. Golden Tee games are like mini-blinky billboards in thousands of bars and taverns across the globe and thus, monitoring the “naughty name” filter is actually the duty of – you guessed it – your friendly Golden Tee marketing department.

MORRISON’S LIST

Evil Mr. Morrison

Scott Morrison is the VP of Marketing at Incredible Technologies.  He’s a nearly 25-year vet of IT, he’s my boss and the long-time keeper of the dreaded LIST.  Since the dawn of online play, Morrison has managed this filter and has constantly amended it to keep up with different generations of filthy, offensive GT slang. Until now, the LIST remained private in Morrison’s office – he’s been like a school principal playing with confiscated contraband. But due to my Serena-induced inspiration, and need for attention on the GTB, Morrison gave up some juicy facts of the LIST so we can all get our juvenile giggles out of our systems.

Below you will find highlights of the banned name LIST for all online IT games. And while we’re not rated G here at the GTB, we’re not XXX either, so I stuck with this somewhat censored highlight reel.

• The LIST is 1,240 garbage words in its entirety
• The F-Bomb is spelled 19-different ways, with more being added often
• Adding “BLOWS GOATS” to everyone’s names was the most common infraction in the late 1990′s  (Thanks Wayne’s World!)
• In case you’re wondering ASS and ARSE are both bad words.
• Dear fifth graders – POO, POOP, POOTASTIC and SUPERPOO are all naughty in GT land.
• In the 2000′s, “SUCKS” has replaced “BLOWS GOATS” as the most common infraction.  Personally, “BLOWS GOATS” was way better…
• Hmmm, how to approach this fact…  The following words are second words in a compilation of the nastiest no-no’s on the LIST. Use your imagination, I guess…  , ____PIRATE, ____TACULAR and ____DUMPSTER.
• Thanks to Dannyboy Beall, names similar to WWWWWWWWWW are BANNED!!!!
• Finally, I offer DIXIE NORMUS! Now come on – that’s funny.

So the next time that your buddy is in the bathroom and you decide to change his name to SUPERPOO, think of Serena Williams, Scott Morrison and the LIST. And for old time’s sake, George Carlin!

Good times,

- Duffer Dan “Blows Goats”

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