Design A Hole | The Golden Tee Blog

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: Part 3

By Adam Kramer | April 29th, 2010

AK here, but don’t worry, Duffer fans – he’ll be back in a second. In the meantime, let’s avoid the whole Molotov cocktail thing at all costs.

We thought we’d tie a bow on The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly in 2010 by sharing the spotlight on some of last year’s best of the worst. Duffer started things off with The Good, I pinch-hit for The Bad, and now the two of us are combining forces to bring you the U-G-L-Y.

This might just be the most amazing tag team assembled since the Midnight Express and their turnbuckle-antics back in the early 80s.

But before I dive deeper into my wrestling throwback knowledge, there’s some work to take care of. Some dirty, dirty work…

You see, it’s not easy to describe the following designs, so I’ll be frank – these designs were the “Yo Mamma” jokes of last year. They were the designs that made you want to throw up in your mouth, swallow it, then throw it up again. But you know what?

THAT’S WHY WE %^&ING LOVE ‘EM.

All of ‘em. And we appreciate all of the work that was put in, and you know why? These designs were unique, and the people took a chance to separate themselves from the rest of the pack. Hell, we practically forced you to do it when we encouraged you to try something new.

You see, Ugly doesn’t mean Bad. Ugly is simply an easy way to say this particular drawing didn’t fit into this contest. Plus, what kind of series would The Good, The Bad, and the Not-So-On-The-Mark be?

Think of it this way – these are the designs that belong on a wall in a bar, not on a virtual golf course…

So congratulations UGLY people, cause I say your nomination is pretty fantastic.

So now that my man Duffer Dan can sink his teeth back into this fun little feature – welcome him back with open arms. As always, this is meant in good fun so keep that in mind and try and keep the hate mail to a minimum. I mean, who could possibly hate on The Midnight Express. Look at the hair. LOOK AT IT.

Take it away, DD!

Young Adam, you’ve done an eloquent job illustrating the nuances of “Ugly” and now please step aside and allow me to put a cap on it with this visual representation:

Look up “Ugly” in the dictionary and see General Larry Platt and his goofy ass grin. Not only did this ugly diddy infest the HDTV’s in millions of households through American Idol, it also hit the billboard charts, “The View” and was copied by that ass-slapping Minnesota Viking’s quarterback. The point here is that sometimes it’s the ugliest of ducklings that turn into swans… Or is it the dumbest of swans that we can laugh at for being ugly… I don’t know, it’s something like that. Anyway HERE WE GO with the grand finale!

U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY!

It’s only fitting that this layout looks like a baseball on a tee from afar cause it’s time for me to knock this one out of Skipper Ripper Horner’s little league baseball field. ”Wind Funnel” made the ugly list this year NOT cause it’s from GT’s favorite stat geek buddy, Skipper Ripper, NOT because it’s a par 3 between 50 and 300 (yes, 300) yards, NOT because it HAS to be hole #16 and NOT because its concave green defies Golden Tee physics. What pushed this discombobulated drawing over the edge was the nerve of its designer to think it can play God. Skipper, leave the wind alone…

Seriously, Kyle – a Death Star? Come on, man. This isn’t World of Warcraft, this is Golden Tee, brother. If you were going to put a famous theatrical “space star” as shortcut in a Golden Tee design I would expect something entirely more fitting, such as “Mega Maid” from Spaceballs. Your geekery gave this hole absolutely NO credibility and as Dark Helmut said, “We’re done with you. Now go to the golf course and work on your putz!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, grab your hats and look out for bats because what you’re entering now is certifiably, undeniably, guaranteed to involve wee… er – beer – CAVE portion of today’s trip. In corner number one you have “The Cavern” by former Team USA member, Justin Taylor – a high-resolution, full color cave experience that oddly resembles an askew jack-o-lantern. And in corner number two you have the aptly named “The Cave” by Brian Kirschner – Brian opted for the much cleaner Picture Pages approach to convey his stalagmite-filled vision. I hate to be a kiljoy, but unless you were born in one of these masterpieces you should know that there has never been and will never be, a CAVE HOLE in Golden Tee Golf. If any reader should decide to send a cave idea in for 2011, please include a rock for illustration and self-clubbing purposes.

Flaming “The Finish Line” by Russ Green is the hardest UGLY ribbing I’ve ever done. Why? Cause this design is so near and dear to my heart. Here’s a Duffer Dan fact – I am a Indy Racing junkie, with a particular fondness for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. It is my love and my sporting sanctuary. So the day I received a call asking permission to use the Greatest Spectacle in Racing as a DAH inspiration, I was floored and could’t wait to see it – until I did. Russ, sadly, I need to point some things out to you 1) according to scale your fairway is 1,144 yards long and your tee boxes are upwards of 300-yards wide 2) you moved pit road, Gasoline Alley AND the pagoda and 3) you replaced the famed “yard of bricks” with checkered paint. Sorry to say it, buddy, but there are already 4 real golf holes inside of the Brickyard and they’ve got you topped. With all this said, it still does make me happy to see my two loves cross paths, even if it’s uglier than the 1968 Lotus turbine.

Travis Schoonover’s “Rooftop Delight” rounds out this year’s medley of monstrous masterpieces and it’s not for his lack of creativity. Golden Tee has taken us to a variety of scary places before, but never any that would require a helicopter or Spidey senses to get from tee-to-green. What pushed me over the edge was.. the… thought… of getting pushed over the edge! Travis says “only the most daring players would go for the green in one” leaving out the fact that they scaled a damn building to tee-off! OK, Schoony, next time you decide to break out Photoshop, leave the RedBull in the fridge and back down the testosterone – you’re just too damn creative to end it all like this.

_____________________________________________________________

So there you have it, folks – THE UGLY hole designs from the 2009 Design-a-Hole contest. And just in case my partner, Adam “Randy Rose” Kramer didn’t include enough disclaimers, we seriously appreciate efforts put forth by today’s contestants. You let us have a little fun with you and for that, we say thank you. Now you sir, I’d appreciate it if you kindly remove your sniper rifle from the parking lot and give ol’ Duffer Dan a nice big bear hug in celebration of today’s display of disfigured doodles!

[Man, I am on fire with the alliterations!]

So, until next year, I bid this series farewell and look forward to showing off THE GREAT of 2010. As you know, this year’s Design-a-Hole finalists have been announced and they are nothing short of spectacular. So don’t forget to start voting next week, all the while remembering, that on the deep, disturbed hard drive of Duffer Dan’s computer lies the dark and dirty secret files that will be known as the 2010 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

Good times,

- Duffer Dan

Design-a-Hole 2010 Voting Starts April 3rd!

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Tags: bad, Design, design a hole, funny, Golden, Golf, golf design, good, incredible technologies, Tee, the, ugly, video game
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Design-a-Hole 2009: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Part 1 of 3)

By "Duffer" Dan Schrementi | March 26th, 2010

“I’ve never seen so many men wasted so badly…”

"Vote for me, or I'll Shoot!"

Clint Eastwood grumbled these words while surveying Civil War carnage in the classic film this blog is so subtly themed after. And while sitting here at Golden Tee HQ surmising the Design-a-Hole carnage from last year’s contest, The Man With No Name’s words reign true. There were so many good men wasted in the Design-a-Hole archives of 2009… And probably, so many wasted men too, for that matter. Thankfully today, through the power of the GTB, we can give those men our tip of the cap in this – part one of the three-part, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

The Design-a-Hole Archive: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly series began last year as a way that I, “Duffer” Dan Schrementi, could take my crack at choosing the best and the worst designs of the year. You see, while everything at IT is a team effort, let’s just say the Design-a-Hole project is sort of my baby. And ironically, “my baby” was challenged last year by none other than my other baby – my real baby son – who was born precisely on the day that DAH presentation was to be made to judges Jim Zielinski and Larry Hodgson. As I smoked cigars and drank scotch in the waiting room of the nursery, Jim and Larry pined over the 100+ design submissions back at Golden Tee HQ. Helplessly giddy at the hospital, my opinions on the designs were no where near the office.

Jim and Larry are Golden Tee Gods which is why they choose the finalist in the contest. But Jim and Larry do not get the luxury of watching the DAH entries stream through their inbox for 30 straight days. That’s a perk bestowed upon only the most *ahem* respected and talented “duffers” in the company. And until young GTB’er Adam Kramer can defeat me 47 rounds of dizzy bat baseball – and note: he’s got a hell of a way to go – I have remained the DAH chairman.

As a marketing professional, a design hack and a true fan of Golden Tee, I truly love checking my inbox each morning the contest is open. And over time, like a biased Simon Cowell, I begin to secretly root for and against certain entries. (secretly being the key word – this is exactly why I am NOT a judge!) It’s that time again and we’ve received more entries so far this year than ever before at this point. In fact, there’s a virtual cornucopia of crayon and marker mastery that awaits in my inbox as I type! All this means that now is the time when I get the opportunity to present the best and worst entries that you never saw last year. And in order to get your creative juices flowing, today we’re going to kick it off with The Good!

Press play – if you’re a real man…

THE GOOD

Here’s what you’re not going to see in the GTB’s The Good list: Dave Hollingshead, Jim Little, last year’s finalist entries or bacon-cheese-fries. These items go into the category of “assumed awesome” and have no place in The Good. No, instead what you’re about to see are the finest assets that just fell short of awesome and are – in my opinion – still worthy showing off to the world. These designs are great and they should show you 2010 DAH participants what you’re up against. One last thing, if it’s “Pants On The Ground” mockery that you’re in to, tune back next week for the BAD and subsequent UGLY parts of this series. Until then, without further ado, I offer you loyalists of the GTB The Good Design-a-Hole submissions from the 2009 contest. Enjoy~

If the name "Jason Thomason" rings a bell, it should. Jason had horse in the finals with "X Marks the Spot". But to me, you're looking at what very well could have been a winner last year. I give Jason huge props for putting this level of work into the Design-a-Hole Contest. Yes, it's true, if this design was handed to us as a pencil sketch it may have been glossed over, but his added level of effort made the judges notice. And not only that, there was a video too! I'm not sure what Jason does for a living, but he probably could "quit his day job"

Here, you're looking at another entry from another finalist, Jeff "Dank" Epperson. Yes, this hole is gimmicky as hell, but I am in awe of its creativity. It's not likely that you'd ever see a hole like this in Golden Tee Golf but it's hard to deny that you'd love to play it at least once.

We didn't call them "Finalists" for nothing. Chris Rice is the last of The Good finalists from last year - but come on? Look at this design and tell me you wouldn't want to play it. Kudos, Chris.

We didn't call them finalists for nothing! Chris Rice represents another DAH finalist with a second design to make The Good list. Again, here's a great example of a design that received extra attention because of it's level of quality. Chris did a great job here and Ocean Spray would have been great fun on Tahiti Cove, in my opinion.

Shipwreck Cove is proof that you don’t need a design degree to come up with a great idea. I thought Kyle’s idea of “playing through the ship” would have been loads of fun in Golden Tee. Perhaps it was a bit “over themed” which is why it didn’t make the final cut but I applaud the creativity that Kyle put fourth. Besides, I don’t know if we recorded Peter Jacobsen saying, “Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!”

Call me a sucker for gimmicks but I still think that Steve "Maestro" Snyder's Heartbreak Ridge was one of the most creative and fun-spirited designs received last year. The shape of the green forces you to control the ball and the "risk/reward" shot is as enticing as it could be. Well played, Maestro.... Well played.

Sean Dockry's "Lone Tree Harbor" is another example of the talents we saw in last year's event. I chose this hole for its level of quality in presentation but I can tell you, it suffered from what many DAH entries do - the inclusion of an always-played shortcut. A few tweaks to this layout and I think Sean would have been another one of the finalists. But rest easy, friend, you made it on the GTB.

Keith, I don't know what the hell I am looking at but you, my friend, get the award for best name. Ok, you're crayon lines are pretty nice too!

Before I bid you all farewell, I’d like to leave you with a final gallery of OH-SO-CLOSE-TO-GOOD designs. Why? Because missing the cut as a DAH finalist the first time wasn’t demoralizing enough…