“I’ve never seen so many men wasted so badly…”

"Vote for me, or I'll Shoot!"

Clint Eastwood grumbled these words while surveying Civil War carnage in the classic film this blog is so subtly themed after.  And while sitting here at Golden Tee HQ surmising the Design-a-Hole carnage from last year’s contest, The Man With No Name’s words reign true.  There were so many good men wasted in the Design-a-Hole archives of 2009… And probably, so many wasted men too, for that matter.  Thankfully today, through the power of the GTB, we can give those men our tip of the cap in this – part one of the three-part, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

The Design-a-Hole Archive: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly series began last year as a way that I, “Duffer” Dan Schrementi, could take my crack at choosing the best and the worst designs of the year.  You see, while everything at IT is a team effort, let’s just say the Design-a-Hole project is sort of my baby.  And ironically, “my baby” was challenged last year by none other than my other baby – my real baby son – who was born precisely on the day that DAH presentation was to be made to judges Jim Zielinski and Larry Hodgson.  As I smoked cigars and drank scotch in the waiting room of the nursery, Jim and Larry pined over the 100+ design submissions back at Golden Tee HQ.  Helplessly giddy at the hospital, my opinions on the designs were no where near the office.

Jim and Larry are Golden Tee Gods which is why they choose the finalist in the contest.  But Jim and Larry do not get the luxury of watching the DAH entries stream through their inbox for 30 straight days.  That’s a perk bestowed upon only the most *ahem* respected and talented “duffers” in the company.  And until young GTB’er Adam Kramer can defeat me 47 rounds of dizzy bat baseball – and note: he’s got a hell of a way to go – I have remained the DAH chairman.

As a marketing professional, a design hack and a true fan of Golden Tee, I truly love checking my inbox each morning the contest is open.  And over time, like a  biased Simon Cowell, I begin to secretly root for and against certain entries.  (secretly being the key word – this is exactly why I am NOT a judge!)  It’s that time again and we’ve received more entries so far this year than ever before at this point.  In fact, there’s a virtual cornucopia of crayon and marker mastery that awaits in my inbox as I type!  All this means that now is the time when I get the opportunity to present the best and worst entries that you never saw last year.  And in order to get your creative juices flowing, today we’re going to kick it off with The Good!

Press play – if you’re a real man…

THE GOOD

Here’s what you’re not going to see in the GTB’s The Good list: Dave Hollingshead, Jim Little, last year’s finalist entries or bacon-cheese-fries.  These items go into the category of “assumed awesome” and have no place in The Good. No, instead what you’re about to see are the finest assets that just fell short of awesome and are – in my opinion – still worthy showing off to the world.  These designs are great and they should show you 2010 DAH participants what you’re up against.  One last thing, if it’s “Pants On The Ground” mockery that you’re in to, tune back next week for the BAD and subsequent UGLY parts of this series. Until then, without further ado, I offer you loyalists of the GTB The Good Design-a-Hole submissions from the 2009 contest.  Enjoy~

If the name "Jason Thomason" rings a bell, it should. Jason had horse in the finals with "X Marks the Spot". But to me, you're looking at what very well could have been a winner last year. I give Jason huge props for putting this level of work into the Design-a-Hole Contest. Yes, it's true, if this design was handed to us as a pencil sketch it may have been glossed over, but his added level of effort made the judges notice. And not only that, there was a video too! I'm not sure what Jason does for a living, but he probably could "quit his day job"

Here, you're looking at another entry from another finalist, Jeff "Dank" Epperson. Yes, this hole is gimmicky as hell, but I am in awe of its creativity. It's not likely that you'd ever see a hole like this in Golden Tee Golf but it's hard to deny that you'd love to play it at least once.

We didn't call them finalists for nothing! Chris Rice represents another DAH finalist with a second design to make The Good list. Again, here's a great example of a design that received extra attention because of it's level of quality. Chris did a great job here and Ocean Spray would have been great fun on Tahiti Cove, in my opinion.

Call me a sucker for gimmicks but I still think that Steve "Maestro" Snyder's Heartbreak Ridge was one of the most creative and fun-spirited designs received last year. The shape of the green forces you to control the ball and the "risk/reward" shot is as enticing as it could be. Well played, Maestro.... Well played.

Sean Dockry's "Lone Tree Harbor" is another example of the talents we saw in last year's event. I chose this hole for its level of quality in presentation but I can tell you, it suffered from what many DAH entries do - the inclusion of an always-played shortcut. A few tweaks to this layout and I think Sean would have been another one of the finalists. But rest easy, friend, you made it on the GTB.

Keith, I don't know what the hell I am looking at but you, my friend, get the award for best name. Ok, you're crayon lines are pretty nice too!

Before I bid you all farewell, I’d like to leave you with a final gallery of OH-SO-CLOSE-TO-GOOD designs.  Why?  Because missing the cut as a DAH finalist the first time wasn’t demoralizing enough…

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Coming Up on the GTB Next Week: THE BAD

WERE YOU BAD ENOUGH?

Design-a-Hole 2010

Submit Your Design Today for a Chance to Leave Your Golden Tee Legacy and Host the 2011 Launch Party at YOUR BAR!

It’s that glorious time again. The time where 35-year-old men steal their sons Crayola Crayons and go bonkers drawing up imaginary golf holes. As weird as that may sound, this action is nothing short of awesome in my book.

The Design-a-Hole contest is back and the submission period is underway. This means many of you are likely brainstorming ground-breaking ideas right now, wondering what sort of hole design you can submit into the contest that will attract the attention of our prestigious DAH judges.

ENTER: Marketing associate and Design-a-Hole informant Adam Kramer

While the decision portion of this contest is a little above my pay grade, I do have the luxury of sitting in on these meetings and hearing what the judges pick and more importantly why they pick what they do. In the process, I have been able to pick up some very important but simple information that can really help you get your design into the finals.

The next time you use your puce green crayon to fill in a fairway on your design, (all the while your son is crying in the background because you won’t share), use these tips to help guide you to the 2011 Design-a-Hole crown.

When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong

As sweet as a cave-centric hole might sound, I can guarantee you that this will not fit in any of the courses in Golden Tee 2011. SPOILER ALERT: There are no courses that take place in a cave next year so for the love of Jim Z, hold back the urge.

The reason I bring this up is because we had a ton of cave-like submissions last year. While some of the ideas weren’t half bad in terms of design, they just aren’t going to make it into the finals because they don’t have a spot in Golden Tee.

And it’s not just the cave holes we’re talking about. Unrealistic holes in general – aka absurd elevations, unreal settings, and just flat out ridiculous and impossible ideas are also thrown out pretty quickly.

Before you submit, look down at your drawing, close your eyes, and imagine yourself playing that exact hole and what clubs and/or strategy you would use. Is it impossible? Do you have a green that has a right-18 break? Does it require 3 full-fulls to even get to the hole? If so, you might want to rethink things a bit.

Many will play the “Golden Tee isn’t real golf” argument when they hear this, but work with me here, people. I know you’re trying to separate yourself from the rest of the pack, but you need to do this without jumping the shark GT-style.

Instead, Try This!

You all know the game and have a feel for what works and what doesn’t when it comes to GT. With this being the 3^rd Design-a-Hole contest, you also now have an idea of what our Design-a-Hole judges are looking for. Combine these two important factors and sprinkle in your creative and vast GT experience, and PRESTO! You’ve got yourself a DAH contender. Sounds easy right? Well, kind of.

Example: I, for one, have always been fond of drivable par-4s because of the decision-making process that is involved when deciding how and when to try and drive the green. I also like water hazards, a bit of elevation, different tee boxes, and long walks on the beach. (Scratch the last part, but you see what I’m getting at). Because this is what I LIKE, I would try and create a unique, drivable par-4 with a few different ways to get screwed if you miss the green.

While my concept won’t lead to an automatic spot in the finals, using your own likes and dislikes and combining it into this thought process could help get you going. If you like extremely short, intricately crafted par-3s then go that route. If you’re a fan of 700+ yard par-5s, design away. Don’t feel like you have to pick a certain mold. Just do what you’d like to see in the game.

OR… You can send your Golden Tee buddy a couple of crisp Franklins and get fast-tracked into the finals. No, wait, I can’t. MUST….NOT….ACCEPT…BRIBES…

And Finally, Show Us Somethin’

While I stressed avoiding tomfoolery in your hole designs, I am going to encourage it from this point on.

Presentation is %^&*ing huge in this contest, you have to trust me on this. While I don’t have any say on what holes make it into the finals – I can tell you that creative submissions will get looked at much closer than the run-of-the-mill drawing. Last year we had YouTube videos, ransom notes, architectural builds, and other cool ideas. While none of these ideas ended up taking the DAH crown, they did receive extra attention for being unique.

This is the spot to really separate your design from everyone else – be it your description or overall presentation. I guarantee your chances will increase greatly if you are able to surprise the judges with something they haven’t seen. Easier said than done, but if you are going to focus your time on one area of this contest, THIS HAS TO BE IT.

Have fun with this – and don’t take it (or us) too seriously. If your hole is good and your design is intriguing, we just might be coming to your home town to throw the kick ass GT 2011 World Premiere in your home bar. Hopefully, you are from Miami or Hawaii – but we certainly won’t discriminate against locations that don’t carry the same pizzazz. (As much as I’ve pushed for it).

The GTB will be all about Design-a-Hole over the next few months. Check back next week for Duffer Dan’s brilliant 3-part feature: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly – a look at some of last year’s DAH entries that, well, caught our attention for better or worse.

Until then good luck, Design-a-holers.

-AK signing off (still thinking about bribes and sweet bar locations)

Hey, Golden Tee fans.  It’s been a while since you’ve heard from your ol’ pal Duffer Dan.  Have you missed me?

I apologize that I’ve been AWOL but Incredible Technologies is keeping me busy.  Thankfully, my absence has created room for my much more in shape, quite less A-HOLE blogger minion, Adam Kramer to keep you all entertained.  He’s got chops, huh?  Thankfully, the hilarious electro-shock treatment is working on him.

So, while I may be somewhat out of the loop, I am definitely not  gone.  And with that said, it takes something compelling for me drop what I’m doing, come over here to the GTB and fire up the old blogin’ engine.  I present to you that compelling something…

The following is a player email that landed in my inbox.  I present it to you in its original form:

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Subject: NEW CARD NUMBER

I have been playing Golden Tee for about 5 years. I play with the same 3 guy’s about 2 times a week and probably play 2 games per day. I JUST CAN’T GET A BREAK. They hit and don’t get penalized, I hit and go in the water,sand trap or just miss a shot by inches. I spend about $25.00 a week playing this game ONLY TO SUCK HIND TIT 99% of the time, IT’S A JOKE. You would think after all this time I would have gotten better. I subscribe to your Newsletter and have taken time to analyze Greatest YOU-TUBE shot’s per hole. I also let my friends know where I’m Playing Golden Tee via Facebook.

Until I get a New Account with All My Clothing Transferred, I plan to tell these Guy’s that I will no longer play this game. Maybe Pool is my Destiny.

So if you want me to play give me a new card NUMBER

Thanks

Bill Ladas

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Now you know why we’re here and it doesn’t result in Bill playing billiards.

We’ve all been where Bill is.  It’s a level of complete frustration and passion that only comes with the game of golf.  It’s a crazy dichotomy, on one hand you have unbridled hatred for the game, as well as the people, places and things that go along with it.  On the other hand, you have a dedicated fanboy – doing everything short of wearing a “I Heart Steve Sobe” shirt and carrying around a Golden Tee pennant.

As I read Bill’s denunciation of Tee, I thought, “I can help.”  I can give Bill what he wants – I can exorcise his Golden Tee demons and give him that new life in the game he so loves to hate.  I can give Bill the 1% shove that will remove his dependence on hind tit and propel him into the future as the Golden Tee player he was born to be.  It’s time we expel the Golden Tee Tilt from Bill’s life and help him LIVE ON as a Golden Tee master.

Bill – are you ready?  It’s not going to be easy, my frustrated friend.  To build you up, we have to tear you down.  It may be painful – emotionally and physically.  It involves tools, – powerful tools.  Carnage, fire and brimstone!!!! (ok, not brimstone, but a mean paper shredder)

BILL LADAS, I CAST YOUR GOLDEN TEE DEMONS AWAY!!!!!

The official IT BAN HAMMER was used to alleviate Bill Ladas of his errant tee shots.

Then we lit a fire under Bill so he would stop getting flamed by his friends.

Next, we proved the rumor true – belt sanders can help your game.

Now, without a shred of dignity left – we can rebuild…

Bill, we’ve had a lot of fun with your situation here and it’s only because all of us can relate – you just so happened to be the one to put it so eloquently in an email.  So to complete your Golden Tee transformation, we will be fulfilling your demands and sending you a completely new account – fully stocked with GT equipment and apparel.  We hope that this frees you of the demons that have so haunted your virtual golf life.  You’re free!  Free to enjoy your Tee time in the sun, cause let me tell you something, brother – there are no Tee times in hell.

Thanks for being such a good sport and an inspiration all of us GT hacks out there.  And thanks for the permission to have a little fun at your expense.  You da man…

Good times,

- Duffer Dan

Golden Tee is becoming a Facebook juggernaut. While it doesn’t have the 1,000,000 plus fans that Buffalo Wild Wings has (yet), the GT Fan Page now has well over 4,000 members. Not bad considering we started January just under 2k.

On the surface this might look unimpressive, but those who actively post and check the page know how far it has come in less than a year. In fact, it’s become so busy that monitoring and updating this page sometimes takes hours out of my daily routine.

Why Our Page Doesn’t Suck

The interactions on the GT page between fans and from us is unlike any other page on Facebook – seriously, just look at Buffalo Wild Wing’s one random post every few days with little to no contact with its fans. BW3s is doing something right to get the amount of fans they have, but you won’t get any direct contact with them if you happen to post on their page.

Many people might believe that operating this kind of site is a widespread operation. Time consuming, yes. Deep and complicated, however, couldn’t be further from the truth. I do most of the posting and maintenance for GT Facebook although Duffer Dan checks in every now and then. He has his hands full maintaining the Golden Tee Twitter Page.

The privilege and responsibility of maintaining the Facebook page brings an intriguing new way to operate. The response for the Gamer v2 promotion conducted over the past few weeks was so overwhelming that it surprised the marketing crew at IT. For a recap of what we did, you can check it out here.

And yes, we will offer up better questions than whether you like basketball or hockey. P.S. – I’m a football and baseball guy and either hockey or basketball really does it for me.

Ballz, BALLS, Ballllllllls, and more balls

The word “balls” was written well over a thousand times (in all sorts of ways) over the course of a two-week span for our Gamer v2 Facebook contest.

I learned throughout this contest that our GT fans are creative and don’t mind throwing in a testicle joke, or two, or three because well, it’s timely and hilarious. Plus, as a 25-year-old I can honestly declare that saying or hearing “balllllllz” never gets old.

In this two-week span, the Facebook Page literally doubled – something we were all thrilled with. Because of this, every fan was eligible to receive at least 25 free virtual golf balls for joining. This, however, is where things start to get interesting.

After providing the email address for players to submit their personas, the marketing crew received literally hundreds of emails each day from fans claiming their balls. While we plan to have a more efficient system in place in the future, we, and more specifically IT Marketing VP Scott Morrison, spent an entire day organizing all the names and personas into a spreadsheet. Not exactly a giant operation.

It was, and still is interesting to think that many thought of this as a finely oiled machine. There was no way we weren’t living up to our end of the bargain, but on our side you had less than 3 people actually sorting through and dispersing tens of thousands of golf balls.

“Golden Tee Sucks and Where are My &^%$ing Balls!”

Because the Facebook page never closes, players are able to post anything they want into the feed at all times. This is great (or horrible) news for the 3 AM drunken Facebooker who is simply looking for something to do after coming home from a bad night on the trackball.

During the Gamer v2 promotion, we saw a lot of these kinds of rants. Some were directed to difficulty getting the golf balls, some were good ol’ fashion bashings, and some were just absurd.

Here are a few of the good ones. DISCLAIMER: These aren’t necessarily drunk posts and none of the spelling, text, or wording was altered in anyway.

“All I can say about your ball promo is it sucks, you were vague on the way to get the balls and never returned MY E-MAILS THANKS FOR NOTNING<SAT LEAST SAY THANKS FOR THE OVER 4 GRAND I’VE SPENT ON THE GAME IN3 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” -Jean K.

“I used to be a huge fan of golden tee. no more. you people hjad a good thing going, but the courses are unrealistic. you get no more of my money” -Eric C.

“Grow some BALLS GOLDEN TEE!!!!!!!! come on now! Nice empty promises….” -Kyle S.

“Boobies.” -Scott S.

While these are hilarious to read it can also be frustrating at times. It would be easy to say I don’t take these kinds of responses personally, but it still somehow feels that way in the Facebook setting.

With that said, I would never delete a post like this (unless there is mass profanity) because it is your right as a fan to express yourself, whether it’s positive, negative or ridiculous. Active fans of the page can also attest to the fact that I will respond to almost every single thread – even if my head might be ready to explode.

On The Very Bright Side –  This Is Changing Golden Tee

Regardless of the random posts and occasional unhappy camper, the Golden Tee Facebook Page is by far the biggest advancement for the game outside what’s in the cabinet. It also happens to be the most enjoyable part of my day.

I love seeing what people are talking about, which YouTube moment is making noise, and what is the overall vibe from this growing community. You have a voice on the page and what you say can and will be passed along if it makes sense. (Sorry Scott S. – “Boobies doesn’t quite make the cut).

This massive active fan base is unlike anything the game has seen before. While there are message boards and forums, these don’t have the same feel that this page has. I am a Golden Tee Fan Boy at heart, so talking and answering anything people might muster up doesn’t feel much like work.

The page will continue to grow, a select few players will drunkenly post how much they hate us, and thousands of fans will continue to spread the GT love and create an even larger community of talking trackballers. And If you’re going to get hammered and start posting away – don’t drop any F-bombs because I’ll have to probably delete it. Otherwise, the stage is yours.

Can’t wait to see what’s next and if you aren’t in on the action yet – come join us.