Hey, Golden Tee fans.  It’s been a while since you’ve heard from your ol’ pal Duffer Dan.  Have you missed me?

I apologize that I’ve been AWOL but Incredible Technologies is keeping me busy.  Thankfully, my absence has created room for my much more in shape, quite less A-HOLE blogger minion, Adam Kramer to keep you all entertained.  He’s got chops, huh?  Thankfully, the hilarious electro-shock treatment is working on him.

So, while I may be somewhat out of the loop, I am definitely not  gone.  And with that said, it takes something compelling for me drop what I’m doing, come over here to the GTB and fire up the old blogin’ engine.  I present to you that compelling something…

The following is a player email that landed in my inbox.  I present it to you in its original form:

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Subject: NEW CARD NUMBER

I have been playing Golden Tee for about 5 years. I play with the same 3 guy’s about 2 times a week and probably play 2 games per day. I JUST CAN’T GET A BREAK. They hit and don’t get penalized, I hit and go in the water,sand trap or just miss a shot by inches. I spend about $25.00 a week playing this game ONLY TO SUCK HIND TIT 99% of the time, IT’S A JOKE. You would think after all this time I would have gotten better. I subscribe to your Newsletter and have taken time to analyze Greatest YOU-TUBE shot’s per hole. I also let my friends know where I’m Playing Golden Tee via Facebook.

Until I get a New Account with All My Clothing Transferred, I plan to tell these Guy’s that I will no longer play this game. Maybe Pool is my Destiny.

So if you want me to play give me a new card NUMBER

Thanks

Bill Ladas

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Now you know why we’re here and it doesn’t result in Bill playing billiards.

We’ve all been where Bill is.  It’s a level of complete frustration and passion that only comes with the game of golf.  It’s a crazy dichotomy, on one hand you have unbridled hatred for the game, as well as the people, places and things that go along with it.  On the other hand, you have a dedicated fanboy – doing everything short of wearing a “I Heart Steve Sobe” shirt and carrying around a Golden Tee pennant.

As I read Bill’s denunciation of Tee, I thought, “I can help.”  I can give Bill what he wants – I can exorcise his Golden Tee demons and give him that new life in the game he so loves to hate.  I can give Bill the 1% shove that will remove his dependence on hind tit and propel him into the future as the Golden Tee player he was born to be.  It’s time we expel the Golden Tee Tilt from Bill’s life and help him LIVE ON as a Golden Tee master.

Bill – are you ready?  It’s not going to be easy, my frustrated friend.  To build you up, we have to tear you down.  It may be painful – emotionally and physically.  It involves tools, – powerful tools.  Carnage, fire and brimstone!!!! (ok, not brimstone, but a mean paper shredder)

BILL LADAS, I CAST YOUR GOLDEN TEE DEMONS AWAY!!!!!

The official IT BAN HAMMER was used to alleviate Bill Ladas of his errant tee shots.

Then we lit a fire under Bill so he would stop getting flamed by his friends.

Next, we proved the rumor true – belt sanders can help your game.

Now, without a shred of dignity left – we can rebuild…

Bill, we’ve had a lot of fun with your situation here and it’s only because all of us can relate – you just so happened to be the one to put it so eloquently in an email.  So to complete your Golden Tee transformation, we will be fulfilling your demands and sending you a completely new account – fully stocked with GT equipment and apparel.  We hope that this frees you of the demons that have so haunted your virtual golf life.  You’re free!  Free to enjoy your Tee time in the sun, cause let me tell you something, brother – there are no Tee times in hell.

Thanks for being such a good sport and an inspiration all of us GT hacks out there.  And thanks for the permission to have a little fun at your expense.  You da man…

Good times,

- Duffer Dan