Last Saturday night at the US Open, female tennis goddess Serena Williams was charged with a costly one-point penalty on her match point after showering a line judge with profanity-laced complaints over the judges foot fault call on her last serve.  Williams’ tirade made McEnroe’s historic hissy fits sound like he was an Eagle Scout.  Her tantrum included multiple f-bombs, swear-filled death treats and even the old high school P.E. class standby
“…I’m [expletive] going to take this [expletive] ball and shove it down your [expletive] throat…”
Ahhh, Serena… Â What fodder you’ve provided us sports and entertainment bloggers around the globe. Â The idea that someone of your superstar stature can also have an immature spaz session just makes all of us humans sleep that much better at night.
So this epic meltdown got me thinking about none other than Golden Tee Golf. Believe it or not, I’ve seen Golden Tee do amazing things to grown men. Cry, bleed, break appendages, kick, scream, fight, scratch, holler, fall over and yes – hurl. Â Considering these realities – as sad, depressing and unfortunate as they all are – I’ve never seen any of these tilt sessions cost a Golden Tee player a match, big or small.
And while nobody has ever lost a World Championship for threatening to shove a  trackball down Gary Colabuono’s throat, I can say that players have lost certain privileges in Golden Tee for use of profanity in their LIVE nicknames. Golden Tee games are like mini-blinky billboards in thousands of bars and taverns across the globe and thus, monitoring the “naughty name” filter is actually the duty of – you guessed it – your friendly Golden Tee marketing department.
MORRISON’S LIST
Evil Mr. Morrison
Scott Morrison is the VP of Marketing at Incredible Technologies. Â He’s a nearly 25-year vet of IT, he’s my boss and the long-time keeper of the dreaded LIST. Â Since the dawn of online play, Morrison has managed this filter and has constantly amended it to keep up with different generations of filthy, offensive GT slang. Until now, the LIST remained private in Morrison’s office – he’s been like a school principal playing with confiscated contraband. But due to my Serena-induced inspiration, and need for attention on the GTB, Morrison gave up some juicy facts of the LIST so we can all get our juvenile giggles out of our systems.
Below you will find highlights of the banned name LIST for all online IT games. And while we’re not rated G here at the GTB, we’re not XXX either, so I stuck with this somewhat censored highlight reel.
The LIST is 1,240 garbage words in its entirety
The F-Bomb is spelled 19-different ways, with more being added often
Adding “BLOWS GOATS” to everyone’s names was the most common infraction in the late 1990′s  (Thanks Wayne’s World!)
In case you’re wondering ASS and ARSE are both bad words.
Dear fifth graders – POO, POOP, POOTASTIC and SUPERPOO are all naughty in GT land.
In the 2000′s, “SUCKS” has replaced “BLOWS GOATS” as the most common infraction. Â Personally, “BLOWS GOATS” was way better…
Hmmm, how to approach this fact… Â The following words are second words in a compilation of the nastiest no-no’s on the LIST. Use your imagination, I guess… Â , ____PIRATE, ____TACULAR and ____DUMPSTER.
Thanks to Dannyboy Beall, names similar to WWWWWWWWWW are BANNED!!!!
Finally, I offer DIXIE NORMUS! Now come on – that’s funny.
So the next time that your buddy is in the bathroom and you decide to change his name to SUPERPOO, think of Serena Williams, Scott Morrison and theLIST. And for old time’s sake, George Carlin!
That’s it – I’ve had it up to here with you geeks!
In the 21-year history of Golden Tee, the game has gotten tons of press coverage. Â Usually from the likes of Sports Illustrated, ESPN or MAXIM. Â Hell we’ve gone as far as Penthouse to TIME magazine too. Â But traditionally, us and the gamer press do NOT see eye to eye. Â There’s a huge disconnect. Â In a nut shell, they think we make hokey arcade games for drunk, college frat boys with too much testosterone (partially true…) that are not worthy of respect to the mighty console games.
But as the lines of social gaming continue to blur, we here at the IT marketing department think, “TO HELL WITH THE CLICHES, let’s see if the gamer press is ready to play nice.” Â We’re the original social game for crying out loud and gaming is not as black-and-white as it once was.
So on August 4th, I sent the fun, new Golden Tee 2010 trailer to Kotaku – one of the largest gaming blogs in existence. Â For whatever reason, Kotaku seems to have a soft spot for us in their heart. Â They’ve been cool and ran some other items this year. Â But this time – they knew exactly what they were doing. Â Senior Editor Michael McWhertor posted our link with a well-written, tongue-and-cheek diatribe he called Golden Tee: The Song is Deadly Ear Poison.
(Sigh, here we go again…)
Michael didn’t tank us. Â No. Â In fact, his note was clever and funny. Â But, like the song says, “He teed it high,” for the blog’s commenters to “…let it fly!” Â And on cue, the web-site’s army of geeks began firing nerd bombs across our bow, insinuating – yet again – that Golden Tee isn’t really a game worthy of chatting about on a sophisticated gamer site. Â (Oh, we’re sorry we disrupted your anime erotic story that day) Â Â Here are some highlights of the some 50 comments.
PIEMONKEY said, “Well, we all know what game won’t do well.” (Oh, the one that’s earned more coin-in than Pac Man, errr which?)
DEFEATER said, “So what, this game/song/post is designed to make me hate everything about the world?” (No, my friend. Â That’s still just you and “your secret”)
KINGDAVID73 said, “I never understood the appeal of golfing arcade games, but I see them in every bar / bar and grill I’ve ever been in. … although, I’ve never seen anyone play them. Â (Oh, crap – you’re right?! We forgot to tell our customer that no one P L A Y S the games. Â DAMN!)
But I have something to say to these geeks on behalf of the millions of Golden Tee fans in the world. Â An open letter from me to you.
I am sorry for breaking your glasses in dodge ball back in P.E.. Â And yes, that was my touchdown you were writing about for the school paper back then and yes, it was GLORIOUS. Â And remember when you were trying to hack into the prom queen’s computer? Â I was making out with her. Yes, my friend – I was THAT popular. Â And I’m sorry I made fun of your “foam sword fight club” back then – but it was funny. Â And truthfully, I never had anything against you, your plastic figurines and your witty t-shirts… Really.
So today, while you’re sitting at home in your underwear massively multiplayering in your “social” network – I’ll be at the bar, hanging out with my friends, living life, playing Golden Tee and loving every damn minute of it. Â Oh yeah, me and the 10,000,000 other Golden Tee players to have “viciously attacked the trackball” the past 21-years.
When you’re ready to get over yourself and try something different – we’ll be here, waiting at the bar, with an ice cold beer for you in-hand, ready to chat about our differences. Â But until then, THIS YOUTUBE LINK SAYS IT ALL.
In the event that you haven’t heard, the rumor is true – Steven Sobe is moving on… The 3-time National Champ and Golden Tee “Help Guy” is moving back home to Mt. Airy, NC to reopen his family business – the Golden Tee palace known as the Backstreet Pavilion.
Sobe is my friend.  And as a friend, I am happy for him as I know how badly he’s wanted to work side-by-side his Dad at Backstreet again.  But again, Sobe is my friend and it’s more bitter than sweet for me to see his office desk get cleaned out this week.  And sure, it’s not “good bye” it’s only “so long for now,” but still…
Sobe and I have a storied history and I thought the GTB is the perfect place for this homage to my pal.
The History
Sobe and I started in the same month at IT five-and-a-half years ago.  He was brought on to be “Sobe.”  I was brought on for other reasons – the most unique of which was to be “Duffer Dan” – Sobe’s n00b protege and communicator to the masses of virtual hacks.  Before blogging was blogging, I was blogging in the GT player forums with my supposed-to-be-funny diatribes called The Bronze Tapes: Excerpts from Duffer Dan’s Diary. Clever name, huh? (That’s why I make the big bucks…)
Anyway, “Duffer Dan” was intended to be a voice for average players. Â It was my job to leverage learning the game from a GT champion into helpful, fun content for our player community. Â Did it work? Â Well, you tell me… Â The name certainly stuck and the blog made it fourteen posts deep. Â I may not have shaved strokes from other n00bs’ games but the Sobe/Duffer experiment was a success.
Classic Video from Houston
Our pairing became less master/protege and more Penn/Teller – sort of a comedic act ingrained in Golden Tee lore. Â His matter-of-fact skill and my goofy, antagonistic shtick grew into something special. Â Â We learned that just the tales of Sobe/Duffer are more fun, natural and interesting than anything else we could have done. Â Sure, playing Golden Tee was the underlying theme of everything but “living the Golden Tee lifestyle” became the soul of our work. Â And I am proud to say whether it’s our countless videos, podcasts or even this very blog post, Steven Sobe helped me forge a persona for Golden Tee and Incredible Technologies and for that, I owe him this tribute.
Well, Boo-Freakin’-Hoo
Yeah, yeah, Sobe is leaving. Â And now that you know why I am compelled to write this tribute, it’s time move on and start my roast of this lovable S-O-B, Sobe. Â I should add that everyone will be seeing Sobe off clingin’ glasses, sipping imported beer and exchanging hugs at Duffy’s in Palatine, IL on Wednesday 7/29. Â Yes, I’ll be there but come on, that lovey-dovey stuff is just too boring for me. Â There’s just so much that people need to know about Sobe to gain a full appreciation. Â And since only a select few can hang with us at Duffy’s, I’d rather post my roast publicly.
In the IT marketing department we always say, “it ain’t easy bein’ Sobe” – and it’s time I reveal why. Â So once again – like the young, wide-eyed Duffer Dan I once was – I will shed my final insight on what it’s like hangin’ with the man, the myth, the blue button, Steven Sobe, in a special piece I call the…
TOP 10 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT STEVEN SOBE
2007 Southern Regional: Sobe dominates Duffer with a lefty-righty in the CTTP demo
#10: Sobe is Ambidextrous
Righty, lefty, who gives a rip – Sobe will probably kick your ass either way. Â When playing Golden Tee he pulls-back lefty and tees-off righty. Â Now, how in the hell are you supposed to teach a n00b how to play with an antic like that? Â It’s kind of like a driving instructor teaching you how to gas and brake as he steers the car with his feet! Â Come on, Sobe… Yeah, we get it, we’re impressed that you’re equally adept with both L and R appendages but how about putting your talent to better use like juggling chainsaws, playing classical piano, or something? Â Dude, it’s just a video game.
#9: Galaga, Pool, Golden Tee
Yes, in that order. Â Don’t forget, he grew up in a pool hall and his Dad worked on a amusement game route. Â Sobe had lots of time to home his skills. Â I learned of these skills in 2004, first it was the Galaga machine at Friday’s Front Row in Orlando, FL. Â Sobe said, “give me one quarter. Â I’ve played for 4 hours on one quarter before.” Â When I made him prove it, 1 quarter in, 60-minutes later – no dead lives – he quit because “the joystick was ‘laggy.’”
Pool? Â It was at the X-Games in Los Angeles where Sobe and I were stationed for a week. Â We were staying at the same hotel as all the bad-ass, biker, skater dudes. Â The hotel bar was packed while the Sobester and I racked up for some R&R. Â As Sobe was kicking my teeth in, some tattooed-skater crew threw a line of quarters on the rail to challenge “winner” for the table. Â No words were spoken between Sobe and the crew and I watched as Sobe won 8-games in row, giving them maybe 5 shots. Â No mercy… Â During the ninth game, Sobe scratches on the eight-ball and quietly says, “ahh… Â You got it.” Â Sheeplishy, skater-dude replies, “Dude. Â The table yours, man…”
#8: No, He Aint Good at Everything
For example, Steven Sobe sucks at riding mechanical bulls. Â See video.
Sobe shows his boss, Scott, how to eat a dog. Burnt...
#7: The Connoisseur of Mediocrity
I am known as somewhat of a foodie around the office. Â I don’t rub it any one’s face – hey, eat what you like – but, yes, I am particular about what I consider great. Â Sobe too considers himself a connoisseur. Â Though it’s time that he – and the world – know that prowess of his palette ends at the big, bright, neon of the restaurant franchise sign. Â If you need advice on the best bacon-loaded-fried-nachos platter, or chicken-fried-grease-marinara pasta bowl, Sobe is your guy. Â Though the local Portillo’s will miss his daily investment of “Italian beef w/cheese and bowl of chili no onions.” Â (yeah, I know. Â And I’m the fat one…)
#6: Ok, He’s Good at Everything
Sobe still thinks he can tame the X Games Big Air Jump
Whether you’re eying down the vertical incline of a 2-story half-pipe or watching a professional pitcher’s 95-mph four-seam fastball, in his quiet southern drawl, Sobe will non-shalantly reply with one of two statements: “That ain’t a big deal, Duff. Â I can do that” or “That ain’t a big deal, Duff. Â I’ve done that.” Â Whether it’s hitting a 7-iron 200-yards, attacking a vert ramp on a skateboard, playing bags, darts, Silver Strike, beer pong, pick-up sticks, whatever – don’t bet against him. Â Ever. Â You will lose. Â He can do it…
#5: “He’s a Hustler Baby and He Want’s You To Know”
Greatest business card ever.
Back in 2004, Sobe and I ventured into a bar in Santa Monica, CA.  Three jabronies were teeing up on some Golden Tee Fore! 2005 talking all sorts of smack with their plus-scores.  Diplomatically, Sobe and I say, “Hey, fellas.  Can we get in on the next game?”  In a drunken stooper, they arrogantly reply, “yeah, sure, man.  But we ONLY play for money.”  ”Yes. YES,” I said under my breath to Sobe.  ”This is finally our day.  Let’s mop up with these ya-hoos – easy pickins, man!”  Sobe queitly digs into his pocket, hands the guys a business card that says, Steven Sobe, 3-Time GT National Champion, and bluntly says, “are you sure?”  Their reaction was priceless.  We ended up teeing-up with the guys for hours and Sobe showed them the ropes.  That’s the type of guy he is.  Classic.
#4: Sobe is Complicated…
…but I imagine Plato confused Aristotle at times too. Â To fully take in Sobe’s intense, complex level of understanding of Golden Tee you need to basically forget everything you now about the game, standard vocabulary, physics and geometry. Â Inventor (or curator) of such complicated techniques as The Arcade Shot, The Out-and-Out, The Sobe Swerve, The Chush, The Hammer, The Pull-Back-Thumbs, The Softie, The Spinny. Â Or his famous, profound expressions like “That was too much funk.” “Hit down on it,” or my personal favorite, “you hit that too good.” Luckily, my secret Sobe decoder ring works pretty well.
Sobe - the consummate slacker
#3: Sobe is a Terrible Roommate
Sobe and I have shared more rooms in the past five-and-a half years than most grown men should ever have too.  And whether it was the finest (or seediest) hotels in Las Vegas, to the sticks of the South, all the way to the modest means of a stateroom aboard a US Navy aircraft carrier – it didn’t matter, he’s always a celebrity at heart and likes it his way.  Heat on in the summer, late for everything, no wake up calls, takes two hours to shave and primp an 1/8th inch hair.  He’ll make you late for airplanes, leaves ESPN blaring at 4:00AM and don’t forget the tobacco “spitoons” on your nightstand.  Sobe, I’ll miss you – but the thought that  I’ll never have to share a room with you ever again is liberating.  Ahhhh….. There.  I said it.
#2: And the Academy Award Doesn’t Go To…
Sobe! Â Not counting course reviews, Sobe and I have recorded dozens and dozens of videos. Â I’m always the host and he’s always the *ahem* talent. Â But it wasn’t until the past few years when we really found our rhythm. Â You just have to let Sobe be him – no scripts, no teleprompter. Â Make him act and you won’t get Sobe. Â Let him be himself and you get Golden Tee video gold.
Check out the attached outtake for instance. Â A little known fact is that Sobe was supposed to do these videos solo. Â The director threw me in to loosen up the action. Â This was our first shot at “Sobe/Duffer” on camera and started what became our series of Odd Couple-eque media. Â Ballllllllzzzzz…..
#1: Steven Sobe is a Good Man.
You see celebrity-types on television or in movies and think, “that person does/doesn’t seem nice in real life.” Â You see Sobe during every Golden Tee game played and naturally think, “seems like a nice guy,” right? Â He is. Â The nicest. Â Nobody ribs Sobe harder than I do. Â I kid, I joke, and have busted his chops daily for five-years as if it were my duty. Â But I do it because he is a grade-A, true-blue good person and great friend. Â And anyone who works at IT or has met Sobe will agree. Â He takes time to listen and cares about your well being. Â That’s all I can ask in a friend and what I will miss most after this Friday.
Sobe, we’ve spent countless hours talking during road trips, at airports, in musty motels, afloat at sea, on the golf course, at the bar and mostly behind the trackball, and I’ll always cherish the time. Â Thank you for listening, being a great “partner in crime” and of course an outstanding friend. Â It’s been a good run so far and as I said at the start, it’s not good bye, it’s only “so long for now.”
Here are a few final parting photos from some of my favorite Sobe/Duffer moments. Â Enjoy -
But enough with mushy stuff. Â Consider this blog entry my declaration, that when you bring back the Mt. Airy Golden Tee Open at Sobe’s Backstreet Pavilion, “Duffer” Dan Schrementi will be the first person on the entry list. Â Why? Â Not because all your mentoring will carry me to victory. Â Or because I really miss “talkin’ shop” with you. Â Truly, it’s because I hear Backstreet has “the greatest fried mozzarella sticks in North Carolina.”
The goal of the GTB is to give the community insight into the lives of us hardworking marketing-types at Golden Tee Central. Â Most of the time, my workaday life is as mundane as yours – toiling away on my dusty keyboard, filing copious amounts of TPS reports and slingin’ copy slop to “sell them games.” Â But once in a blue moon marketing opportunities pass by my desk that rekindle the wide-eyed, optimistic business geek I once knew in college. Â A “Pre” Duffer Dan, of sorts.
And the following tale is one of those instances. Â Enjoy…
Story of the Tune
"It's Golden Tee" by Ira Dean Band is the ass-kickin' new title track for Golden Tee 2010
Some time ago the marketing team got a call from a manager plugged in to the country music biz. Â He said, “Hey, have y’all heard the new Montgomery Gentry song, One In Every Crowd?” Â Not country fans by nature, none of us had heard the tune yet. Â He replied, “Well, the first word is Gawwllden Tee and it’s climbing the charts!” Â A quick Google search confirmed his claim and sure enough, Montgomery Gentry is HUGE! Â So, what do we do with this?
*Phone rings…*
On the other line spoke a fella that it seems I’ve met a million times before – a friendly, fun, dude-who’s-got-people.  ”Hey, man,” he said.  ”This is Ira Dean and I’ve been waitin’ to talk to y’all…”  Turns out Ira is a singer/songwriter from Nashville who co-wrote the tune for Montgomery Gentry.  He  was also the bassist for the band Trick Pony, where he spent years touring to sold out crowds and stopping at Golden Tee havens in every city along the way.  A country star and longtime Golden Tee fan, Ira explained how he had written this little ditty a while back about the game he loves and how he was hoping the Montgomery Gentry song would finally connect us.
A professional song about Golden Tee? Â I just had to hear this…
So when the demo arrived, I blasted it across the marketing department and smiled from ear to ear. Â It really was a song about Golden Tee Golf and in the exact words of Ira, “It f***’n rocks, man!”
*Opportunity knocks…*
Hey, I’m paid to promote IT’s games and we just so happen to be working on our Golden Tee 2010 launch.  After working through some of the logistics to bring this song from “Tune to Tee,” a small video team from IT zipped down to Nashville to shoot a music video with Ira Dean Band.  For one day, I felt like I worked for MTV (or CMT in this case) – our video team and I captured Ira and the band in studio, followed by a Golden Tee shoot at Sam’s Sports Bar and Grill in Nashville – an amazing sports bar near Vanderbilt University that proudly boasts 4 new HI-DEF Showpiece Golden Tee machines (if you’re in the area, this is THE place to play).
The video is nuts and is currently in editing for our 2010 preview launch. Â And the tune? It’s got it all – including a sick harmonica track and a billy-rock banjo on top of some heavy guitar, bass and drums. Â The lyrics are about having a good time, livin’ life and playin’ Tee – something we can all relate too.
The Inside Scoop: GT 2010
I can tell you now, a shortened version of the video will be created for possible inclusion in GT 2010 and the full track will hopefully be featured in the new 2010 HitList. Â Additionally, the team and I are working on the Golden Tee 2010 trailer and we’re using It’s Golden Tee by Ira Dean Band as the title track of the video.
We’ll release the video – which includes the 2010 course previews and feature announcements – in late July, so stay tuned to Goldentee.com and the GTB to not miss out. Â And I promise you – you’ve never seen a game preview that rocks as hard as this…
Until then, here’s a GTB exclusive photo gallery documenting our adventure in Nashville with Ira Dean Band. Â Click on the thumbnails below, then use the navigation to view the slide show.
