Jim Zielinski is a virtual golf course expert. Wait, scratch that. Jim Zielinski is THE virtual golf course expert and frankly it’s his fantastic mug on the virtual golf course Mount Rushmore (surely there is such a thing) four times. Now THAT would be somethin’.

Photoshop anyone?

In any event, you get where we’re going with this. Jim Z is the man, and he’s the creator of every GT hole you’ve ever played, except for the three Design-a-Hole winning holes he’s finished and the one he’s working on right now.

California’s David Donovan is next up to go from fan to creator, and as we saw last week Jim Z is well on his way to getting the hole into 2012. As for this transition from sketch to virtual masterpiece, this is no easy task enough the layout of the hole is all but set.

We caught up with Jim Zielinski to find out much more about how Abandoned Railyard is coming along, where we can expect to see it in the game, and what differences might be made when it comes to getting it GT ready.

And away we go.

AK: Jim, as always thank you very much for joining us. Let’s start first with 2012 and an update on how the game as a whole is coming along.

JZ: Well, we’re in crunch mode now. The courses are more or less complete, although we’re still adding some of the finer details and into the testing phase. At this point we’re looking for potential bugs and just trying to get the game ready for launch. Needless to say, it’s probably our busiest time of the year.

AK: Switching the focus to our Design-a-Hole winning design, Abadonded Railyard, what was it about this drivable par-4 that really impressed you and led you to believe this hole would fit brilliantly in Golden Tee?

JZ: It’s difficult to come up with a feasible but original design, and we thought David Donovan (the 2012 winner) did a superb job of that. Using the railyard theme was also something we were all excited about and an interesting fit with the course we have decided to place it in. On top of this, we felt with some minor tweaks, this would be a risk vs. reward hole that really would force players to think about whether they should try and drive the green each and every round.

AK: In terms of these tweaks and changes that were made, what did you and your design team have to do to make sure Abandoned Railyard was ready for the game?

JZ: This is the toughest aspect of this entire contest, and as good as a design might be there’s always changes to be made. This is something I battle myself and I’ve been doing this for quite a while.

The biggest change I’d say we made was with the train cars. On the design itself, they were scaled rather large, so we had to change the size a bit. The next thing we did was alter their placement and total number of these cars, bringing them back towards the tee box. They now serve as more of an obstacle, something that will be much more prevalent from certain tee boxes.

AK: Up until this point, I think it’s safe to say most GT players would acknowledge that the previous Design-a-Hole winning designs have not been as challenging as some of your other designs. Well, I certainly am very capable of messing up The Lighthouse every now and then, but you get what I mean. How easy (or hard) will Abandoned Railyard play in your eyes on GT 2012?

JZ: It’s hard to know exactly how players will do on the hole, but as I mentioned earlier, tee box placement will impact if and when you go for the green more than ever. Even when you do have a relatively manageable shot to the green and the conditions are favorable, getting to the green in one is far from a given. The green itself is also rather large and you’ll likely be given some lengthy putts for both eagle and birdie. I would say this will be the toughest DAH design to make it into the game, but it’s also very fair.

AK: Where will we see Abandoned Railyard in Golden Tee 2012?

JZ: In terms of what course we will place it on, we think we found the perfect match for such an original hole. You’ll know exactly what I mean when you see which location is at soon enough. In terms of where it currently sits on that course, right now we have it as hole 12 but that could certainly change before launch. We’ve also briefly discussed about actually moving it back a bit towards the end of course because we think it’s going to be a great hole.

AK: Jim, we cannot wait. Thanks once again for your time, and we’ll certainly be talking to you more about 2012 as launch day approaches.

There’s no need to adjust your screens. The scene above is meant to look like EXACTLY how you see it, and this is what course designer Jim Zielinski works with when he’s designing a Golden Tee hole on his computer.

As I walked into Jim’s office to check up on how the Design-a-Hole was coming along, I was greeted to this image. I then awkwardly stood over his shoulder for five minutes, saying nothing, watching him move every tree, bush, (in this case boxcar) into the perfect position. It was mesmerizing (for a Golden Tee nerd like myself).

2012 Design-a-Hole winner David Donovan’s outstanding creation, Abandoned Railyard, is indeed well on its way to becoming a Golden Tee hole. There is still some fine-tuning to be done, but the basic outline of Abandoned Railyard is complete and it is fantastic.

Creating a Golden Tee hole from someone else’s design is no easy task. Jim, and the superbly talented Golden Tee team, have worked hard to keep David’s key design features intact but also make sure it translates well into the game. This is something we’ll tackle further in Part 2 of this feature when we interview Jim about creating this design and how and where it’ll fit in the game.

As for now, check out the images below of Abandoned Railyard as it makes it way into your favorite game. Oh, you’re going to LOVE it.

Cheers,

-ak

Being ugly has never had more perks.

Take the image above as an example. Most of you probably recognize this famous trio but for those of you that don’t DVR E! six nights a week (raises hand violently), these are in fact the Kardashian sisters.

The lovely lady in the middle is none other than Kim – smoking, no doubt and the most recognizable of the three. Her sister on the left, Kourtney, is perhaps a small step down but still isn’t tough on the eyes. And then, there’s Khloe. Ol’ Khloe, as seen on the right, clearly got the raw deal of the three from a “look at how hot these girls are” perspective, but that hasn’t stopped her from becoming uncomfortably famous.

She married a basketball player, got her own show(s), created her own fragrance that can be worn be both men and women (strange), and now likely has more money than we’ll all have in a lifetime. She did all this with that /points above

Bringing this silliness full circle to Golden Tee, or at least attempting to, we’ve made it to the final piece of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly in 2011. We celebrated those that did well, showcased those did fine but misguided work, and now move to those that created beautiful monstrosities.

Being U-G-L-Y doesn’t mean a design was bad, in fact, this year’s batch of ugly takes on a much different feel than those we’ve seen in recent years. To be frank, your submissions have gotten less absurd over time which makes this much harder to do. It’s my job, however, to keep this circus in motion so I’ll do my damnedest to keep the momentum intact.

For those included below, I want to congratulate you on exhibiting creativity beyond what we saw from anyone else. Seriously. You took a chance, and although you missed out on GT, your efforts were unique from any other. In our eyes, you’re not that Kardashian sister that looks like a horse but rather the one that has so much money you don’t know what to do with it.

Cheers to that…

The Duck Hole

Mr. Tallar had dreams of playing on a virtual golf hole. Unfortunately, those dreams came up short with our judges. Still, though, the Duck Hole is a classic and this design would look fantastic hanging above your bathroom towel rack. Even though we imagine that Einstein’s chalkboard likely looked like this at one point, the hole actually makes pretty good Golden Tee sense and certainly was more playable than many of the other designs we cam across. Personally, “Aflac” would’ve been a better attention-grabbing name, but Duck Hole accurately describes what you get on this one.

The Windmills

Sing it with me! “Dada da dada da DA! For those too lazy to click on the link, that was my attempt at the Mario Bros theme song. I mean, just look at all this 8-bit action above! Although it’s tough to tell through all the pixilated glory, The Windmills would make for an awesome/frustrating/killer Golden Tee hole. Imagine having your drive literally get cut in half and having to take an unplayable lie because your ball was in a million pieces by actual windmills. Wind here would be hellish, although it would certainly make the hole one to remember. As much as we love old school Mario, Lance, the judges had to pass here. (Apparently they’re Atari homers.)

Beret

Okay, this hole is certainly deserving of being included in The Ugly, but it’s also #$%^ing awesome. If we were hosting “My design could kick your design’s ass” contest, this hole would be your clear-cut champion. On top of being a well-drawn beret as a golf hole, Kirby listed the location of this hole as “Iraq” and the animals on this particular design as “camels” and “stray dogs.” Kirby, we salute you on your creativity and thanks for sending it in. While “Beret” may never have a spot in GT your passion is genuinely appreciated and your design is tough as hell.

Heart Hole

Awwwwwwwwww. Now before we talk about why this hole isn’t in GT, let’s discuss what we like. For one, there’s an adorable heart here, folks and the name doesn’t make you dive deep into thought to figure out why it’s called “Heart Hole.” And two, the design itself is actually interesting to a degree. The problem, however, is in the end the shot through the trees is more or less a straight shot. Sure you’ll run into a tough wind now and then, but a straight shot is a straight shot. I think we can all agree, however, that this song should be blaring ever time you would’ve had to play this hole.

GT 2011

We end on GT 2011. That’s the actual name of the design not the end of this segment, well, actually it works for both. The problem with this particular hole isn’t necessarily the hole itself but the fact that something similar has been done before and actually has had success in this contest. And while I’m quite fond of the dog bone fairway in the center, there’s just too many ways to take on this massive par-5. Sticking with the positive, this hole certainly is well crafted and takes on a futuristic GT look. I’m thinking a cross between TRON and Caddyshack.

Design-a-Holers, that’s all for now. Thanks for playing along with our third GBU and we will certainly do it again. Good luck to those of you submitting designs for this year’s contest, and we shall see you again next year!

Signing off,

-ak

Oh, Morgan Freeman, you really do know the lonely road to my heart.

Now, the lovely and somewhat hypnotic GIF above has very little to do with Golden Tee, but it perfectly encompasses the mood we’re trying to gather for part 2 of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

You see, while Morgan Freeman holding up a picture of a dolphin might seems ridiculous, unnecessary and childish to some, this little taste of cinema candy is so bad that it’s actually brilliant. This brings us full circle to where we are right now, which doesn’t involve a dolphin but does have a pretty fabulous cameo from a shark. (More on that in a bit)

By now you’ve probably seen The Good from last year’s Design-a-Hole Contest, which means it’s time for things to really get going with The Bad.

If Morgan Freeman holding up a picture of a dolphin doesn’t give you the overall theme we’re going for, then allow me to be a little more direct. Please don’t take this (or us) too serious if you happen to be included in the following. In fact, be honored. This is all for laughs and the only thing worse then creating a bad design is being the guy that writes about it. /points to self

Here they are, folks. This year’s best of the worst from last year. (Wait, Wut?)

Enjoy.

The Bend

I’m not saying that Dane’s rock walls look like the male genitalia, okay fine, it looks a lot like the male genitalia. Can’t. Stop. Staring. Okay, moving on. While the design itself isn’t bad at all, the overall look isn’t the easiest thing to decipher. We appreciate the attempted key on the right, (something I suggest to most who are turning a design in this year), but it’s still very hard to pinpoint surfaces. I don’t blame Dane for this; I blame Crayola and their obnoxious amounts of available color choices. WE DON’T NEED ANY MORE VARIETYS OF PUKE YELLOW.

City Greens

On a personal note, the ginormous yellow lines on the street bring me back to my childhood days on playing cars on that “pretend” city map at school? Ahhhhh, those were the days. From a DAH perspective, however, these yellow lines don’t have the same soothing effect as they did way back then. While this design could possibly have fit on Rustic Bridge, there just aren’t enough busy roads on golf courses in Golden Tee. Good try, and “Better Luck Next Year.”<— Happy Gilmore clip, y’all.

Cliffhanger

I’ve always wanted to say that a hole “jumped the shark” and I finally have the perfect opportunity to do so. My favorite part of this design, and perhaps my favorite feature of any design, are the gill-shaped bunkers that are included on “shark island.” Now, as odd as the overhead shot might look, the small item in front of the green (that looks like a small child’s football) is a capsized boat than can cause shots short of the green to bounce on. Kind of cool, actually. Really not a bad design at all, but in the end shark island was too much for our judges.

Tee Rex

One of the best players in the game today, no question. Dannyboy has a tournament win under his belt and is certainly capable of winning any match at anytime. And while his GT knowledge is well beyond the average virtual golfer, we learned this past year that he also likes dinosaurs. Now, this uphill treeless climb would’ve required two big hooks to get there. Possible? Sure. The fact of the matter, however, is that you’re still playing on a giant dinosaur, which is where the problem lies. If Golden Tee ever goes down the Jurassic Park-theme route… WATCH OUT.

The Donut Hole

Much like Dannyboy, Rod is one of the premier players in GT who has been around the game for quite a while. In terms of this particular design, Rod was both on and off the mark. His green is similar to one we see on Grizzly Flats and he and Jim were certainly on the same page in that regard. (Insert your tiresome claim about Jim somehow stealing the design here or just read this). Now, while we can see the design in our minds, this process has been made difficult because of how the water and lava are represented. We’re going to assume that Rod let his adorable son be a part of the design and let him draw up the hazards. Damn good guy that Rod…

That’s all for now, but we’re far from done with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. We still have the U-G-L-Y to take care of which is always entertaining. Remember, if you want to be a part of this year’s contest be sure to send in your submission before April 15^th. For all the info check out the Design-a-Hole page.

Cheers,

-ak

If someone can be that enthusiastic about pie, then the same awkward excitement should translate over just fine to a virtual golf game. And for that matter, a contest drawing up golf holes for a virtual golf game. You see “So Good” isn’t a phrase we throw around loosely, or certainly not as loosely as James Franco with prop sweets in front of him. In the world of Design-a-Hole, this positive Golden Tee round of applause is saved for those that did something truly spectacular.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is our medium for giving the deserving holes their proper recognition. For those new to program, first, where the hell have you been? Second, here’s a rundown of this 3-part blog event. We start with The Good (welcome) awarding the best designs that just missed out on the finals from a year ago. We then move onto The Bad, which is a look at the holes that didn’t quite get the exercise. Finally, we cap it all off with The Ugly, which is the designs that were so off they need to be celebrated.

We’ve learned quite a bit in our three years as Design-a-Hole onlookers, and I can honestly say that “The Good” has gotten better, “The Bad” has gotten less horrible, and “The Ugly” is, well, still ugly but there’s a much smaller group to select from. Hats off to everyone that has been a part of this positive step forward. Although Duffer Dan will make an appearance as the GBU heats up with the not-so-good, you’re left with me for now as begin our series highlighting the truly superb designs that just missed out on the Design-a-Hole finals.

Here they are, folks. The Good…

Cliff’s Edge

Josh Sokol submitted a handful of designs last year and this one just missed out on making the final cut. This very unique par-5 is an interesting because the hole works its way up rather than down, and in general it would translate into GT very well. The drive would certainly cause issues from those who were off the mark and likely send you sailing down a cliff ala Black Hills 18. I can feel your blood pressure rising already…

The Chasm

Although Jason Thomason has been a finalist the last few years, those designs weren’t the only ones worth noting. Every design that he’s submitted has been eye candy, but on top of that they also would make for outstanding virtual golf holes. This particular design was superb because it allowed players the option to go for the reachable par-4 green from all tee boxes, even if it meant a skip off the river to get there. The river on the left doesn’t necessarily look like one I’d dive right into, but job well done, Jason. Again.

Golden Tee Hole

The name doesn’t scream, “Pick Me” but the design itself is pretty damn good. You see; these are the tough tasks of our judges as they work their way through each integral parts of these designs. Keith’s design offered up not one, but TWO different shortcuts to get to the green as well as a safe way to go around and play for birdie. We also enjoyed the superb Crayola work that was done here, as we understand that it’s not easy for grown man to color between the lines. Well played, sir.

No Windmills

Jeff “Dank” Epperson is another Design-a-Hole regular, and his vast knowledge for the game can be seen in the many creative designs he drew up last year. Although this particular design didn’t make the finals like his superb creation “Over/Under” it still is worth plenty of recognition. Love the idea of this hole, although the amount of curse words offered up at the potential shot through the small canyon gap would’ve been off the chart.

So Close Yet So Far

Love the look of this particular design, although it’s place in this feature goes above and beyond that it passes the eye test. With different tee boxes, a variety of ways to both layup and go for the green, and some unique positions of obstacles and hazards, this design certainly was going down the right path – word choice intended. Add into the mix a hard-sloping green and this hole could’ve caused some havoc in your Golden Tee game had it snuck into the finals.

Congrats to those of you that made The Good, now (insert sound bite of evil laughter), we move to The Bad.

Remember submit your Design-a-Hole entry before April 15^th to get your design in this year’s contest. For more information, visit the official 2012 Design-a-Hole Page.

Signing off,

-ak

Do you need Design-a-Hole help? Direction? A little kick in the rear end to turn your raw virtual golf hole design into something the Golden Tee judges will slobber over? Well, then you could likely use a little help from a true Design-a-Hole A-HOLE, and luckily I know just the a-hole. Actually I am that a-hole.

The 2012 Design-a-Hole Contest is back and now it’s your time to shine.

Last year, I provided a handful of DAH tips on the Golden Tee Blog, and this year I return with more DAH knowledge. While I won’t be the one to decide if your design will eventually be deemed victorious, I have had the privilege to sit in on these meetings in the past and typically make sure all drinks are cold and the slideshow of designs runs smoothly. I also take mental notes when I’m not feverishly looking for the next great shot on YouTube

In 2011, the judges will have more say than ever, meaning you need to do your damnedest to impress them with something truly unique. While fans will provide feedback and share their thoughts on the Facebook Page for the finalists, your goal should be to get to those finals. At that point, anything can happen.

Here are just a handful of tips from someone that has seen what the judges are looking for and what might end up on next year’s The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Well, actually just The Bad or The Ugly.

And away we go…

Location, Location, Location

Too often will a good design by tossed out of the mix because it’s set in a unique location and simply won’t fit in the game. If your submission is set in a baseball stadium, you better hope that there is a course set in or around a baseball field in GT 2012. SPOILER ALERT: There’s not, so don’t do it.

Try not to limit yourself to only one specific spot. While a unique setting will certainly get you noticed by the judges, it may get you noticed for the wrong reason if you’re off in that particular year. Not knowing where the courses will be is a disadvantage to you, no question. Not knowing these locations, however, also sparks creativity and we know you won’t try to focus your ideas around something we have already set.

Throwing in added wrinkles, particular landmarks, and creative staples is the perfect way to separate your design. If you limit it to these so it isn’t into forced a particular setting, you’ve likely gained yourself an extra look from the judges. Avoid being super specific and the judges, particularly course designer Jim Zielinski, will work with your design to make it fit no matter what.

It Must Be Said (Again): Know What is Real

(Cues Inception music and begins feverishly shooting finger guns)

It sounds odd using the term “real” when describing a virtual golf hole that was drawn by a grown man, but hear me out. Or instead, focus on “feasible.” A 900-yard par-5 sounds cool, might even look cool, but the hole will be tossed out quickly because it doesn’t have a spot in Golden Tee.

The thin line between creativity and insanity is one we’ve seen butchered over the past few years. As close as this line might be, it isn’t too difficult to separate if you put a little thought beyond just drawing up a golf hole.

Knowing how far a driver, or other clubs for that matter, will travel is critical. Incorporate some mild elevation intellect and now we’re talking. Being able to translate actual Golden Tee shots and feasible (there’s that word again) ideas into your design will immediately separate you from others.

You’ve played this game plenty before and know what you like and what type of shots would actually make sense in your own design. With some fine changes to what you already know, you could be onto Golden Tee gold.

Penmanship is Optional… Well, Sorta

We’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t have to be an artist to do well in this contest. After all, just look at our past winning designs. Sorry, fellas

With that being said, that shouldn’t encourage you to submit some horrendously sloppy design and think we’ll like because it’s “edgy.” In truth, your design should be easy on the eyes, but won’t need to be perfect in order to get by. If the design is good and the thought is there then you will get noticed.

Over the past few years I’ve grown accustomed to seeing some bizarre trees. And I mean bizarre. They’re not the easiest things to draw, so creating a simple design and providing a symbol for a variety of different landmarks or ideas is also a possibility. Just be sure to provide a key so we know what exactly those thousand little x’s mean.

You don’t have to take this angle, however. Just avoid going scribble bonanza and we will accept your design for exactly what it is. You know that saying, “it only matters what’s on the inside?” Well, this is almost true although any man that can say that is horrific liar. We’re only kind of lying when we say it…

The Submission period will stay open until April 15^th. Be sure to send any and everything you have here, even if you don’t take this a-hole’s advice.

With the tips out of the way, we’re setting our sites on The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly for the third straight year. That’s all for now..

Signing off,

-ak

We thought we’d tie a bow on The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly in 2010 by sharing the spotlight on some of last year’s best of the worst. Duffer started things off with The Good, I pinch-hit for The Bad, and now the two of us are combining forces to bring you the U-G-L-Y.

This might just be the most amazing tag team assembled since the Midnight Express and their turnbuckle-antics back in the early 80s.

But before I dive deeper into my wrestling throwback knowledge, there’s some work to take care of. Some dirty, dirty work…

You see, it’s not easy to describe the following designs, so I’ll be frank – these designs were the “Yo Mamma” jokes of last year.  They were the designs that made you want to throw up in your mouth, swallow it, then throw it up again. But you know what?

THAT’S WHY WE %^&ING LOVE ‘EM.

All of ‘em. And we appreciate all of the work that was put in, and you know why? These designs were unique, and the people took a chance to separate themselves from the rest of the pack. Hell, we practically forced you to do it when we encouraged you to try something new.

You see, Ugly doesn’t mean Bad. Ugly is simply an easy way to say this particular drawing didn’t fit into this contest. Plus, what kind of series would The Good, The Bad, and the Not-So-On-The-Mark be?

Think of it this way – these are the designs that belong on a wall in a bar, not on a virtual golf course…

So congratulations UGLY people, cause I say your nomination is pretty fantastic.

So now that my man Duffer Dan can sink his teeth back into this fun little feature – welcome him back with open arms. As always, this is meant in good fun so keep that in mind and try and keep the hate mail to a minimum. I mean, who could possibly hate on The Midnight Express. Look at the hair. LOOK AT IT.

Take it away, DD!

Young Adam, you’ve done an eloquent job illustrating the nuances of “Ugly” and now please step aside and allow me to put a cap on it with this visual representation:

Look up “Ugly” in the dictionary and see General Larry Platt and his goofy ass grin.  Not only did this ugly diddy infest the HDTV’s in millions of households through American Idol, it also hit the billboard charts, “The View” and was copied by that ass-slapping Minnesota Viking’s quarterback.  The point here is that sometimes it’s the ugliest of ducklings that turn into swans… Or is it the dumbest of swans that we can laugh at for being ugly…  I don’t know, it’s something like that.  Anyway  HERE WE GO with the grand finale!

U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY!

Flaming “The Finish Line” by Russ Green is the hardest UGLY ribbing I’ve ever done.  Why? Cause this design is so near and dear to my heart.  Here’s a Duffer Dan fact – I am a Indy Racing junkie, with a particular fondness for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.  It is my love and my sporting sanctuary.  So the day I received a call asking permission to use the Greatest Spectacle in Racing as a DAH inspiration, I was floored and could’t wait to see it – until I did.  Russ, sadly, I need to point some things out to you 1) according to scale your fairway is 1,144 yards long and your tee boxes are upwards of 300-yards wide 2) you moved pit road, Gasoline Alley AND the pagoda and 3) you replaced the famed “yard of bricks” with checkered paint.  Sorry to say it, buddy, but there are already 4 real golf holes inside of the Brickyard and they’ve got you topped.  With all this said, it still does make me happy to see my two loves cross paths, even if it’s uglier than the 1968 Lotus turbine.

Travis Schoonover’s “Rooftop Delight” rounds out this year’s medley of monstrous masterpieces and it’s not for his lack of creativity.  Golden Tee has taken us to a variety of scary places before, but never any that would require a helicopter or Spidey senses to get from tee-to-green.  What pushed me over the edge was.. the… thought… of getting pushed over the edge!  Travis says “only the most daring players would go for the green in one” leaving out the fact that they scaled a damn building to tee-off!  OK, Schoony, next time you decide to break out Photoshop, leave the RedBull in the fridge and back down the testosterone – you’re just too damn creative to end it all like this.

So there you have it, folks – THE UGLY hole designs from the 2009 Design-a-Hole contest.  And just in case my partner, Adam “Randy Rose” Kramer didn’t include enough disclaimers, we seriously appreciate efforts put forth by today’s contestants.  You let us have a little fun with you and for that, we say thank you.  Now you sir, I’d appreciate it if you kindly remove your sniper rifle from the parking lot and give ol’ Duffer Dan a nice big bear hug in celebration of today’s display of disfigured doodles!

[Man, I am on fire with the alliterations!]

So, until next year, I bid this series farewell and look forward to showing off THE GREAT of 2010.  As you know, this year’s Design-a-Hole finalists have been announced and they are nothing short of spectacular.  So don’t forget to start voting next week, all the while remembering, that on the deep, disturbed hard drive of Duffer Dan’s computer lies the dark and dirty secret files that will be known as the 2010 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…

Good times,

- Duffer Dan

Design-a-Hole 2010 Voting Starts April 3rd!

Goldentee.com

“Duffer Dan…Paging Duffer Dan…”

(After a few seconds of silence, people begin running around screaming. Someone takes a computer and throws it out the window.)

“Where the %^& is he?!”

(More screaming, more panicking, someone puts their head through a Golden Tee cabinet.)

“But….but….but….what about the BAD?!”

(Someone pulls a Molotov cocktail from their desk, lights it, and throws it. Before it can hit the ground, I, marketing associate and amazing story teller Adam Kramer, come out of nowhere and catch the cocktail with one hand and put the flame out with my mouth.)

“All is well, friends. All is well,” I proclaim. “The Show MUST and WILL go on.”

_________________________________________________________

Okay fine, maybe that’s not “exactly” what happened but the fact of the matter is that everyone’s favorite Design-a-Hole dandy is absent.  Duffer Dan is a busy man. In fact, as I write this he’s 35,000 feet above, sitting on a plane, off to his next great adventure. And so, Duffer called on me to fill in on this portion of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly just this once.

“This call to the bullpen is brought to you by Loud Mouth Pants. We make you look like a giant A-HOLE so your horrendous golf game doesn’t have to.”

So as a quasi-guest blogger (in this instance), I feel the need to keep up with the precedent that has been set. There’s something special about The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and I’ll do my best to keep this GT staple alive and well.

With the easy one is out of the way, we carry onwards. Duffer showcased The Good in Part 1 of our three-part series, which means we are on to The Bad – a delicate and delightful category that showcases the “Oooppppps” of 2009.

Before we go on any further I have to offer up the following. A) This is all in good fun, so please don’t take any of this personally if you are included. In fact, be honored. You, and your design are now part of Golden Tee history. B) Being bad, isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s $%^&ing awesome. (Insert slow clap here)

If being bad at drawing a virtual golf hole will get you some notoriety on a blog that embraces a video game, then well…you see what I’m getting at. And if you’re still upset about getting tomatoed by a guy who writes about a video game, know this. I have the artistic skills of miniature horse and I feel your Crayola pain. Let’s take this pain, mix in some hilarity, and have ourselves a merry ol’ time.

Here they are, folks. THE BAD

The hole-layout actually looks quite awesome and pretty difficult. It's the presentation that somehow goes astray. This definitely gets the "What Could Have Been Award of '09." Perhaps the brown marker ran out at the wrong time? Hey, Beethoven was a little rough around the edges and he turned out juuuuuust fine minus the whole insanity thing. Regardless, keep at it, Craig!

B-Man (the person) is one hell of a Golden Tee player, but I think he might have missed the boat – at least for this particular contest. He might, however, be able to get a pretty penny for this thing at an art fair. If you want this hanging over your fireplace, you, me, and B-Man (the drawing and the drawer) can talk turkey.

Hello windmills! Well, at least the one on the right, not necessarily the upside down Ys on the hole. Could you imagine hitting through/around these babies? For now, however, there simply is no way this hole could make it into Tee. Imagine playing this on a windy day? This would make Savannah 17 seem like a 3-foot, flat putt.

While Sea-3 makes the shot selection pretty obvious, I don't think the trackball can create the type of shot required by looking at his diagram. I'm not even sure Mario Andretti could navigate his car through that opening. With that said, I know what Charles was going for here and with a few tweaks he might have something.

Lava did return in this year's update, but not in the form of the Eye of Sauron, I mean Brian's drawing. While the idea of lava flowing into Lost Creek is an interesting scene to imagine, I just can't get the visual from this design. He gets an A for effort here, but a C- for tree-drawing execution.

This does have the makeup of a closing hole, all be it one that's rough around the edges. The shot into the green would be a good one, so no problems there. It's more the moguls positioned directly in the fairway. Bode Miller approves this message, but Jim Z, unfortunately, did not.

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Next Week – The Ugly - Hide the children, stay indoors, and watch out. It’s going to get bumpy.

Design-a-Hole 2010

Submit Your Design Today for a Chance to Leave Your Golden Tee Legacy and Host the 2011 Launch Party at YOUR BAR!

“I’ve never seen so many men wasted so badly…”

"Vote for me, or I'll Shoot!"

Clint Eastwood grumbled these words while surveying Civil War carnage in the classic film this blog is so subtly themed after.  And while sitting here at Golden Tee HQ surmising the Design-a-Hole carnage from last year’s contest, The Man With No Name’s words reign true.  There were so many good men wasted in the Design-a-Hole archives of 2009… And probably, so many wasted men too, for that matter.  Thankfully today, through the power of the GTB, we can give those men our tip of the cap in this – part one of the three-part, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

The Design-a-Hole Archive: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly series began last year as a way that I, “Duffer” Dan Schrementi, could take my crack at choosing the best and the worst designs of the year.  You see, while everything at IT is a team effort, let’s just say the Design-a-Hole project is sort of my baby.  And ironically, “my baby” was challenged last year by none other than my other baby – my real baby son – who was born precisely on the day that DAH presentation was to be made to judges Jim Zielinski and Larry Hodgson.  As I smoked cigars and drank scotch in the waiting room of the nursery, Jim and Larry pined over the 100+ design submissions back at Golden Tee HQ.  Helplessly giddy at the hospital, my opinions on the designs were no where near the office.

Jim and Larry are Golden Tee Gods which is why they choose the finalist in the contest.  But Jim and Larry do not get the luxury of watching the DAH entries stream through their inbox for 30 straight days.  That’s a perk bestowed upon only the most *ahem* respected and talented “duffers” in the company.  And until young GTB’er Adam Kramer can defeat me 47 rounds of dizzy bat baseball – and note: he’s got a hell of a way to go – I have remained the DAH chairman.

As a marketing professional, a design hack and a true fan of Golden Tee, I truly love checking my inbox each morning the contest is open.  And over time, like a  biased Simon Cowell, I begin to secretly root for and against certain entries.  (secretly being the key word – this is exactly why I am NOT a judge!)  It’s that time again and we’ve received more entries so far this year than ever before at this point.  In fact, there’s a virtual cornucopia of crayon and marker mastery that awaits in my inbox as I type!  All this means that now is the time when I get the opportunity to present the best and worst entries that you never saw last year.  And in order to get your creative juices flowing, today we’re going to kick it off with The Good!

Press play – if you’re a real man…

THE GOOD

Here’s what you’re not going to see in the GTB’s The Good list: Dave Hollingshead, Jim Little, last year’s finalist entries or bacon-cheese-fries.  These items go into the category of “assumed awesome” and have no place in The Good. No, instead what you’re about to see are the finest assets that just fell short of awesome and are – in my opinion – still worthy showing off to the world.  These designs are great and they should show you 2010 DAH participants what you’re up against.  One last thing, if it’s “Pants On The Ground” mockery that you’re in to, tune back next week for the BAD and subsequent UGLY parts of this series. Until then, without further ado, I offer you loyalists of the GTB The Good Design-a-Hole submissions from the 2009 contest.  Enjoy~

If the name "Jason Thomason" rings a bell, it should. Jason had horse in the finals with "X Marks the Spot". But to me, you're looking at what very well could have been a winner last year. I give Jason huge props for putting this level of work into the Design-a-Hole Contest. Yes, it's true, if this design was handed to us as a pencil sketch it may have been glossed over, but his added level of effort made the judges notice. And not only that, there was a video too! I'm not sure what Jason does for a living, but he probably could "quit his day job"

Here, you're looking at another entry from another finalist, Jeff "Dank" Epperson. Yes, this hole is gimmicky as hell, but I am in awe of its creativity. It's not likely that you'd ever see a hole like this in Golden Tee Golf but it's hard to deny that you'd love to play it at least once.

We didn't call them finalists for nothing! Chris Rice represents another DAH finalist with a second design to make The Good list. Again, here's a great example of a design that received extra attention because of it's level of quality. Chris did a great job here and Ocean Spray would have been great fun on Tahiti Cove, in my opinion.

Call me a sucker for gimmicks but I still think that Steve "Maestro" Snyder's Heartbreak Ridge was one of the most creative and fun-spirited designs received last year. The shape of the green forces you to control the ball and the "risk/reward" shot is as enticing as it could be. Well played, Maestro.... Well played.

Sean Dockry's "Lone Tree Harbor" is another example of the talents we saw in last year's event. I chose this hole for its level of quality in presentation but I can tell you, it suffered from what many DAH entries do - the inclusion of an always-played shortcut. A few tweaks to this layout and I think Sean would have been another one of the finalists. But rest easy, friend, you made it on the GTB.

Keith, I don't know what the hell I am looking at but you, my friend, get the award for best name. Ok, you're crayon lines are pretty nice too!

Before I bid you all farewell, I’d like to leave you with a final gallery of OH-SO-CLOSE-TO-GOOD designs.  Why?  Because missing the cut as a DAH finalist the first time wasn’t demoralizing enough…

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Coming Up on the GTB Next Week: THE BAD

WERE YOU BAD ENOUGH?

Design-a-Hole 2010

Submit Your Design Today for a Chance to Leave Your Golden Tee Legacy and Host the 2011 Launch Party at YOUR BAR!

It’s that glorious time again. The time where 35-year-old men steal their sons Crayola Crayons and go bonkers drawing up imaginary golf holes. As weird as that may sound, this action is nothing short of awesome in my book.

The Design-a-Hole contest is back and the submission period is underway. This means many of you are likely brainstorming ground-breaking ideas right now, wondering what sort of hole design you can submit into the contest that will attract the attention of our prestigious DAH judges.

ENTER: Marketing associate and Design-a-Hole informant Adam Kramer

While the decision portion of this contest is a little above my pay grade, I do have the luxury of sitting in on these meetings and hearing what the judges pick and more importantly why they pick what they do. In the process, I have been able to pick up some very important but simple information that can really help you get your design into the finals.

The next time you use your puce green crayon to fill in a fairway on your design, (all the while your son is crying in the background because you won’t share), use these tips to help guide you to the 2011 Design-a-Hole crown.

When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong

As sweet as a cave-centric hole might sound, I can guarantee you that this will not fit in any of the courses in Golden Tee 2011. SPOILER ALERT: There are no courses that take place in a cave next year so for the love of Jim Z, hold back the urge.

The reason I bring this up is because we had a ton of cave-like submissions last year. While some of the ideas weren’t half bad in terms of design, they just aren’t going to make it into the finals because they don’t have a spot in Golden Tee.

And it’s not just the cave holes we’re talking about. Unrealistic holes in general – aka absurd elevations, unreal settings, and just flat out ridiculous and impossible ideas are also thrown out pretty quickly.

Before you submit, look down at your drawing, close your eyes, and imagine yourself playing that exact hole and what clubs and/or strategy you would use. Is it impossible? Do you have a green that has a right-18 break? Does it require 3 full-fulls to even get to the hole? If so, you might want to rethink things a bit.

Many will play the “Golden Tee isn’t real golf” argument when they hear this, but work with me here, people. I know you’re trying to separate yourself from the rest of the pack, but you need to do this without jumping the shark GT-style.

Instead, Try This!

You all know the game and have a feel for what works and what doesn’t when it comes to GT. With this being the 3^rd Design-a-Hole contest, you also now have an idea of what our Design-a-Hole judges are looking for. Combine these two important factors and sprinkle in your creative and vast GT experience, and PRESTO! You’ve got yourself a DAH contender. Sounds easy right? Well, kind of.

Example: I, for one, have always been fond of drivable par-4s because of the decision-making process that is involved when deciding how and when to try and drive the green. I also like water hazards, a bit of elevation, different tee boxes, and long walks on the beach. (Scratch the last part, but you see what I’m getting at). Because this is what I LIKE, I would try and create a unique, drivable par-4 with a few different ways to get screwed if you miss the green.

While my concept won’t lead to an automatic spot in the finals, using your own likes and dislikes and combining it into this thought process could help get you going. If you like extremely short, intricately crafted par-3s then go that route. If you’re a fan of 700+ yard par-5s, design away. Don’t feel like you have to pick a certain mold. Just do what you’d like to see in the game.

OR… You can send your Golden Tee buddy a couple of crisp Franklins and get fast-tracked into the finals. No, wait, I can’t. MUST….NOT….ACCEPT…BRIBES…

And Finally, Show Us Somethin’

While I stressed avoiding tomfoolery in your hole designs, I am going to encourage it from this point on.

Presentation is %^&*ing huge in this contest, you have to trust me on this. While I don’t have any say on what holes make it into the finals – I can tell you that creative submissions will get looked at much closer than the run-of-the-mill drawing. Last year we had YouTube videos, ransom notes, architectural builds, and other cool ideas. While none of these ideas ended up taking the DAH crown, they did receive extra attention for being unique.

This is the spot to really separate your design from everyone else – be it your description or overall presentation. I guarantee your chances will increase greatly if you are able to surprise the judges with something they haven’t seen. Easier said than done, but if you are going to focus your time on one area of this contest, THIS HAS TO BE IT.

Have fun with this – and don’t take it (or us) too seriously. If your hole is good and your design is intriguing, we just might be coming to your home town to throw the kick ass GT 2011 World Premiere in your home bar. Hopefully, you are from Miami or Hawaii – but we certainly won’t discriminate against locations that don’t carry the same pizzazz. (As much as I’ve pushed for it).

The GTB will be all about Design-a-Hole over the next few months. Check back next week for Duffer Dan’s brilliant 3-part feature: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly – a look at some of last year’s DAH entries that, well, caught our attention for better or worse.

Until then good luck, Design-a-holers.

-AK signing off (still thinking about bribes and sweet bar locations)