Attention Fans of Golden Tee Golf: there’s a possible scandal among us, the gravity of which is unfathomable.  I present to you the following communication, which was intercepted by Incredible Technologies’ Information Observation Team (aka, ITIOT) on October the first, year two thousand and nine.

Great Wall #3

This hole is definitely a rip-off of my design-a-hole entry “star maker/star breaker” which got an honorable mention on GT.com on the 15 designs that didn’t make the cut for voting. WTF….

…yes it is the plnwheel green par 3, I have no pics, my design was drawn on paper with no copies made. My green was star shaped with the pin placement at the ends of the arms of the star requiring a shot in the middle of the green for any chance of a birdie.

Author: MOCHEEZ

Source: Let’s Talk Golf Message Board

*chk* black helicopter 1 to base: requesting profile information on subject, MOCHEEZ, over. *chk*

East China? Coincidence?

PROFILE: MOCHEEZ

Goes by Doug Smalley.  Claims East China, Michigan as his home. Database confirms,  2009 Design-a-Hole Contest semi-finalist.  Known as a “hardcore” member of “Let’s Talk Golf”.  Once shot a -27 on Bonnie Moore to win $2 and was last quoted stating “I’d be a banger if I could hit ‘em straight.”

*chk* black helicopter 1 to base: Roger.  East China, Michigan? hmmm Sounds fishy…  Requesting further profile information.  One James Zielinski, over. *chk*

Grilled Cheese - MOCHEEZ? Coincidence?

PROFILE: JIM ZIELINSKI

Goes by “Jimmy Z.” and known as the co-creator of Golden Tee Golf.  Noted as the game’s virtual course architect and has designed every hole, including Great Wall #3.  From the Chicago area and has been featured in dozens of magazines and TV programs.  Also an acclaimed creator of food and drink, including Golden Tee Grilled Cheese and the creme’ de menth/Goldschlager concoction called the Golden Tee Gulp.

*chk* black helicopter 1 to base: Roger that.  Requesting further details on the scandal…  And aaaa, can we get some of those cheese sandwiches up here? Over… *chk*

THE SCANDAL: HOLE GATE 2010

Doug “MOCHEEZ” Smalley claims that James “Jimmy Z.” Zielinski ripped-off his Design-a-Hole entry “Star Maker/Breaker” when designing hole #3 of The Great Wall.  MOCHEEZ goes on to claim that not only did Jim Z. glean design ideas from him but from other non-suspecting Design-a-Hole Contest semi-finalists. Jim, a proud artist, vehemently denies borrowing any ideas, be them conscious or subconscious.

*chk* black helicopter 1 to base: Roger, dodger.  Requesting further evidence…. and… aaaa… base – those sandwiches please? over.*chk*

EVIDENCE A: STAR MAKER/BREAKER

EVIDENCE B: GREAT WALL #3

*chk* black helicopter 1 to base: 10-4, base but aaaa… where in the hell are the trees and the dirt mounds? And did you say sand – was that sand, base?  This is INSANE.  IT’s black helicopters have WAY more work to do than this – I’m out…  And – aaaaa – screw those sandwiches.   I’m going to get one of those Golden Tee Gulps… over and out.*chk*

YOU TELL US…

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Thank you for your cooperation during this critical time.

- ITIOT Agent Duffer Dan Schrementi

ps: we love you, Doug.

Ohio’s Jim Little has officially gone from Golden Tee fan to Golden Tee contributor. Our 2010 Design-a-Hole winner follows the footsteps of Dave Hollingshead as the only individuals other than GT course guru Jim Zielinski to create a hole in Golden Tee Golf.

For those who may have missed out on the contest, Little along with our four other finalists were voted in by GT creators and DAH judges Jim Zielinski and Larry Hodgson. Little then grabbed more than 45% of the votes during a stretch on Goldentee.com to win the 2010 DAH contest!

Now a few months later, the design has gone from sketch to actual hole in GT 2010, and of course I had to check it out.

My first impression when playing Tropical Torment is that it looks EXACTLY how Jim (Little that is) drew it up. Keep in mind the version that I was playing isn’t completely done, but the hole is basically the shape of what it will look like in the final version – as seen on the right.  The stream, the sand, the fairway, the 2010 tribute, and the “yucca” plants are all there. For the second consecutive year a waterfall makes a cameo in Golden Tee, actually two of them for that matter. While you may not be able to see all of it, the photo at the top of the page shows the green and “2010″ in action!

Being a par-5, there are obviously a lot of ways to play the hole. There’s also a lot of ways to get into trouble while you play. Don’t let their beauty fool you; those yucca plants are named that way for a reason!

As a whole; however, I believe Jim Little’s hole will fit beautifully in Golden Tee 2010, beyond the 2010 tribute. A par-5 can be huge, and getting those eagles are crucial to shooting a score.

I had mixed luck playing a few times through Tropical Torment. I saw my share of hazards; I also grabbed a few birdies and a handful of eagles. I can say that this will be one of the best looking holes in the game.

Did I mention there are yucca plants?

Stay tuned to the Golden Tee Blog for more on Tropical Torment, including a behind-the-scenes look of Jim Z. hard at work making the hole and an interview with Jim Little. Also be sure to check back to Goldentee.com in the next few weeks for the official Golden Tee 2010 trailer featuring The Ira Dean Band title track.

(Part 3 of 3)

Part two was fun, huh?  Picking apart “The Bad” – it really made me  feel like a big man!  Crushing the hopes and dreams of Jim Zielinski wannabes with every touch of a character on my keyboard.  It’s so damn fun to be a critic!  Finally, I’ve learned I can relieve all that pent up “Duffer” angst by bullying fans of the game I am paid to professionally market. It’s a beautiful thing.

(Wow, I really become a sadistic jerk… Do you see what you’ve done to me, Chris Eversole!!!)

But throwing my inflated ego aside, we had a ton of fun with “The Bad” and now it’s time to cover “The Ugly!”  What is “The Ugly” you say?  Well, my friends, it’s the ambrosia salad of Design-a-Hole.  A dash of good, a pinch of bad and a whole lot of weird ingredients.

And when it comes to “The Ugly” the old adage of “save the best for last” applies.  This is the grand finale’ of our three-part series and we wouldn’t be posting these designs if we didn’t think they were, well, fantastically ugly!  So scroll down and enjoy the best of the worst… or the worst of the best… or the rest of the worst’s best… or whatever the hell you want to call ‘em.  Just enjoy!

Good times,

Duffer “U-G-L-Y you aint got no aliby, you ugly” Dan

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THE UGLY

E.T. phoooone hooome... And tell our pal, Fred that this hole is crrrazy cool! I'll tell you what, if it would have been submitted as a mashed potato sculpture it totally would have won!

Our pal "Jefe" Allums strikes again and this time he's ugly! Now, the judges understood the Olympic tie-in last year but they disqualified this entry because of the obvious fraud involved - we know your little daughter REALLY drew this, Jeff.

Brad here is a big cigar fan and was obviously inspired by his passion in designing "Smoke: The Experience." But after looking closer, I am starting to think Brad's really not a "cigar" fan at all...

By far the most beautiful of the ugly and an homage to the Civil War hero, General Stonewall Jackson. You know, Shane, the General was once quoted saying, "Always mystify, mislead, and surprise the enemy." Congratulations, my friend. You win.

Judging for Design-a-Hole 2009 is This week!

Online Voting of Finalists Begins May 1 at Goldentee.com!

Make Your Mark on Golden Tee History and VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!

(Part 2 of 3)

Alright, that’s it – enough of the lovey-dovey crap.  This isn’t tee ball ladies and gentlemen, and not every player is a winner when it comes to Design-a-Hole.  Where there’s up, there’s down; black, there’s white; and good – well – THERE’S BAD!  MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

But don’t fret oh-dummies-of-design, the world loves bad!  I’d go as far as to say we NEED bad.  Without bad, good would be nothing!  Think about it – a world of mediocrity where “The Godfather” and “Gigli” sit side-by-side on DVD shelves.  Where the “Beatles” and “Michael Bolton” play back-to-back on “This Week’s Even-40 Chart.”  Or one where Golden Tee World Champ Andy Haas and “Skipper Ripper” Horner are awarded participation ribbons in Prize Play. NOOOOO!!!!!   (Ah, you know we love ya, Skip!)

You see, bad is good.   Hell, even the dictionary goes as far to say that bad can be “outstandingly excellent.”  You’re damn right it can be!  So now you’re about to see what we deem as “bad” from the 2008 Design-a-Hole archive – but were they really?  Naaaa…  They’re more fun than they are bad (well, bad in this case meaning bad, bad not bad) and that’s why we love ‘em!

Time for you to take a look at these “best of the worst” selections and do so with a grain of salt, remembering  it’s hard to be so bad that you’re good.

Good times,

- DD

(Que Michael Jackson Outro)  And the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again, WHO’S BAD…

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THE BAD

Stay tuned to blog.goldentee.com next week for the entertaining conclusion of  The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

And there’s still time to enter this year’s contest!

CLICK HERE to learn more!