Being ugly has never had more perks.

Take the image above as an example. Most of you probably recognize this famous trio but for those of you that don’t DVR E! six nights a week (raises hand violently), these are in fact the Kardashian sisters.

The lovely lady in the middle is none other than Kim – smoking, no doubt and the most recognizable of the three. Her sister on the left, Kourtney, is perhaps a small step down but still isn’t tough on the eyes. And then, there’s Khloe. Ol’ Khloe, as seen on the right, clearly got the raw deal of the three from a “look at how hot these girls are” perspective, but that hasn’t stopped her from becoming uncomfortably famous.

She married a basketball player, got her own show(s), created her own fragrance that can be worn be both men and women (strange), and now likely has more money than we’ll all have in a lifetime. She did all this with that /points above

Bringing this silliness full circle to Golden Tee, or at least attempting to, we’ve made it to the final piece of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly in 2011. We celebrated those that did well, showcased those did fine but misguided work, and now move to those that created beautiful monstrosities.

Being U-G-L-Y doesn’t mean a design was bad, in fact, this year’s batch of ugly takes on a much different feel than those we’ve seen in recent years. To be frank, your submissions have gotten less absurd over time which makes this much harder to do. It’s my job, however, to keep this circus in motion so I’ll do my damnedest to keep the momentum intact.

For those included below, I want to congratulate you on exhibiting creativity beyond what we saw from anyone else. Seriously. You took a chance, and although you missed out on GT, your efforts were unique from any other. In our eyes, you’re not that Kardashian sister that looks like a horse but rather the one that has so much money you don’t know what to do with it.

Cheers to that…

The Duck Hole

Mr. Tallar had dreams of playing on a virtual golf hole. Unfortunately, those dreams came up short with our judges. Still, though, the Duck Hole is a classic and this design would look fantastic hanging above your bathroom towel rack. Even though we imagine that Einstein’s chalkboard likely looked like this at one point, the hole actually makes pretty good Golden Tee sense and certainly was more playable than many of the other designs we cam across. Personally, “Aflac” would’ve been a better attention-grabbing name, but Duck Hole accurately describes what you get on this one.

The Windmills

Sing it with me! “Dada da dada da DA! For those too lazy to click on the link, that was my attempt at the Mario Bros theme song. I mean, just look at all this 8-bit action above! Although it’s tough to tell through all the pixilated glory, The Windmills would make for an awesome/frustrating/killer Golden Tee hole. Imagine having your drive literally get cut in half and having to take an unplayable lie because your ball was in a million pieces by actual windmills. Wind here would be hellish, although it would certainly make the hole one to remember. As much as we love old school Mario, Lance, the judges had to pass here. (Apparently they’re Atari homers.)

Beret

Okay, this hole is certainly deserving of being included in The Ugly, but it’s also #$%^ing awesome. If we were hosting “My design could kick your design’s ass” contest, this hole would be your clear-cut champion. On top of being a well-drawn beret as a golf hole, Kirby listed the location of this hole as “Iraq” and the animals on this particular design as “camels” and “stray dogs.” Kirby, we salute you on your creativity and thanks for sending it in. While “Beret” may never have a spot in GT your passion is genuinely appreciated and your design is tough as hell.

Heart Hole

Awwwwwwwwww. Now before we talk about why this hole isn’t in GT, let’s discuss what we like. For one, there’s an adorable heart here, folks and the name doesn’t make you dive deep into thought to figure out why it’s called “Heart Hole.” And two, the design itself is actually interesting to a degree. The problem, however, is in the end the shot through the trees is more or less a straight shot. Sure you’ll run into a tough wind now and then, but a straight shot is a straight shot. I think we can all agree, however, that this song should be blaring ever time you would’ve had to play this hole.

GT 2011

We end on GT 2011. That’s the actual name of the design not the end of this segment, well, actually it works for both. The problem with this particular hole isn’t necessarily the hole itself but the fact that something similar has been done before and actually has had success in this contest. And while I’m quite fond of the dog bone fairway in the center, there’s just too many ways to take on this massive par-5. Sticking with the positive, this hole certainly is well crafted and takes on a futuristic GT look. I’m thinking a cross between TRON and Caddyshack.

Design-a-Holers, that’s all for now. Thanks for playing along with our third GBU and we will certainly do it again. Good luck to those of you submitting designs for this year’s contest, and we shall see you again next year!

Signing off,

-ak

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Oh, Morgan Freeman, you really do know the lonely road to my heart.

Now, the lovely and somewhat hypnotic GIF above has very little to do with Golden Tee, but it perfectly encompasses the mood we’re trying to gather for part 2 of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

You see, while Morgan Freeman holding up a picture of a dolphin might seems ridiculous, unnecessary and childish to some, this little taste of cinema candy is so bad that it’s actually brilliant. This brings us full circle to where we are right now, which doesn’t involve a dolphin but does have a pretty fabulous cameo from a shark. (More on that in a bit)

By now you’ve probably seen The Good from last year’s Design-a-Hole Contest, which means it’s time for things to really get going with The Bad.

If Morgan Freeman holding up a picture of a dolphin doesn’t give you the overall theme we’re going for, then allow me to be a little more direct. Please don’t take this (or us) too serious if you happen to be included in the following. In fact, be honored. This is all for laughs and the only thing worse then creating a bad design is being the guy that writes about it. /points to self

Here they are, folks. This year’s best of the worst from last year. (Wait, Wut?)

Enjoy.

The Bend

I’m not saying that Dane’s rock walls look like the male genitalia, okay fine, it looks a lot like the male genitalia. Can’t. Stop. Staring. Okay, moving on. While the design itself isn’t bad at all, the overall look isn’t the easiest thing to decipher. We appreciate the attempted key on the right, (something I suggest to most who are turning a design in this year), but it’s still very hard to pinpoint surfaces. I don’t blame Dane for this; I blame Crayola and their obnoxious amounts of available color choices. WE DON’T NEED ANY MORE VARIETYS OF PUKE YELLOW.

City Greens

On a personal note, the ginormous yellow lines on the street bring me back to my childhood days on playing cars on that “pretend” city map at school? Ahhhhh, those were the days. From a DAH perspective, however, these yellow lines don’t have the same soothing effect as they did way back then. While this design could possibly have fit on Rustic Bridge, there just aren’t enough busy roads on golf courses in Golden Tee. Good try, and “Better Luck Next Year.”<— Happy Gilmore clip, y’all.

Cliffhanger

I’ve always wanted to say that a hole “jumped the shark” and I finally have the perfect opportunity to do so. My favorite part of this design, and perhaps my favorite feature of any design, are the gill-shaped bunkers that are included on “shark island.” Now, as odd as the overhead shot might look, the small item in front of the green (that looks like a small child’s football) is a capsized boat than can cause shots short of the green to bounce on. Kind of cool, actually. Really not a bad design at all, but in the end shark island was too much for our judges.

Tee Rex

One of the best players in the game today, no question. Dannyboy has a tournament win under his belt and is certainly capable of winning any match at anytime. And while his GT knowledge is well beyond the average virtual golfer, we learned this past year that he also likes dinosaurs. Now, this uphill treeless climb would’ve required two big hooks to get there. Possible? Sure. The fact of the matter, however, is that you’re still playing on a giant dinosaur, which is where the problem lies. If Golden Tee ever goes down the Jurassic Park-theme route… WATCH OUT.

The Donut Hole

Much like Dannyboy, Rod is one of the premier players in GT who has been around the game for quite a while. In terms of this particular design, Rod was both on and off the mark. His green is similar to one we see on Grizzly Flats and he and Jim were certainly on the same page in that regard. (Insert your tiresome claim about Jim somehow stealing the design here or just read this). Now, while we can see the design in our minds, this process has been made difficult because of how the water and lava are represented. We’re going to assume that Rod let his adorable son be a part of the design and let him draw up the hazards. Damn good guy that Rod…

That’s all for now, but we’re far from done with The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. We still have the U-G-L-Y to take care of which is always entertaining. Remember, if you want to be a part of this year’s contest be sure to send in your submission before April 15^th. For all the info check out the Design-a-Hole page.

Cheers,

-ak

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