Golden Tee 2011 is in the air, and the development crew is now in the thick of their most chaotic time of the year. Trees, lakes, and other new hazards are being created, courses are taking shape, and new features are finding their way into the game. As a Golden Tee junkie I truly enjoy this time and it’s hard for me to look at 2011 with my corporate face. I’d say I feel like a kid in a candy store, but that really doesn’t do my excitement justice. Perhaps the picture below does.
I was given the keys to the Golden Tee 2011 mobile only for a quick test drive, and needless to say I walked away floored. Yes, I work for the company so I suppose you would expect me to say this, but the experiences I shared in only a short time behind the wheel gave me a feeling unlike any I’ve had playing Tee.
New features certainly make a lot of noise, but the courses are what everyone’s got their eye on. It’s only June. Meaning, we still have a few months till the game hits and a lot of time to discuss what to expect in Golden Tee’s latest installment. With that said, it’s about time we get the ball rolling on the 2011 era.
Last year we unveiled the first shots of Golden Tee 2010 on the Golden Tee Blog, and we’ve decided to keep up with this building tradition. Although many loved seeing and speculating what they were witnessing, others were certainly unhappy with the fact that they couldn’t see more. As a fanboy of the game I understand this sentiment.
I would love to show you everything and tell you about all the cool new #$%^ that will be in Golden Tee 2011, but I’d likely end up in the trunk of the same GT 2011 mobile.
In the coming weeks and months we’ll showcase names, locations, features, interviews, tons of screens, the 2011 trailer, and everything in between so we’ll be providing your ’11 fix in bunches. As always, feel free to share your thoughts and fire up questions on anything you see. We can’t guarantee we will answer all questions you fire at us, but we will certainly try.
AK here, but don’t worry, Duffer fans – he’ll be back in a second. In the meantime, let’s avoid the whole Molotov cocktail thing at all costs.
We thought we’d tie a bow on The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly in 2010 by sharing the spotlight on some of last year’s best of the worst. Duffer started things off with The Good, I pinch-hit for The Bad, and now the two of us are combining forces to bring you the U-G-L-Y.
This might just be the most amazing tag team assembled since the Midnight Express and their turnbuckle-antics back in the early 80s.
But before I dive deeper into my wrestling throwback knowledge, there’s some work to take care of. Some dirty, dirty work…
You see, it’s not easy to describe the following designs, so I’ll be frank – these designs were the “Yo Mamma” jokes of last year.  They were the designs that made you want to throw up in your mouth, swallow it, then throw it up again. But you know what?
THAT’S WHY WE %^&ING LOVE ‘EM.
All of ‘em. And we appreciate all of the work that was put in, and you know why? These designs were unique, and the people took a chance to separate themselves from the rest of the pack. Hell, we practically forced you to do it when we encouraged you to try something new.
You see, Ugly doesn’t mean Bad. Ugly is simply an easy way to say this particular drawing didn’t fit into this contest. Plus, what kind of series would The Good, The Bad, and the Not-So-On-The-Mark be?
Think of it this way – these are the designs that belong on a wall in a bar, not on a virtual golf course…
So congratulations UGLY people, cause I say your nomination is pretty fantastic.
So now that my man Duffer Dan can sink his teeth back into this fun little feature – welcome him back with open arms. As always, this is meant in good fun so keep that in mind and try and keep the hate mail to a minimum. I mean, who could possibly hate on The Midnight Express. Look at the hair. LOOK AT IT.
Take it away, DD!
Young Adam, you’ve done an eloquent job illustrating the nuances of “Ugly” and now please step aside and allow me to put a cap on it with this visual representation:
Look up “Ugly” in the dictionary and see General Larry Platt and his goofy ass grin.  Not only did this ugly diddy infest the HDTV’s in millions of households through American Idol, it also hit the billboard charts, “The View” and was copied by that ass-slapping Minnesota Viking’s quarterback.  The point here is that sometimes it’s the ugliest of ducklings that turn into swans… Or is it the dumbest of swans that we can laugh at for being ugly…  I don’t know, it’s something like that.  Anyway  HERE WE GO with the grand finale!
U-G-L-Y YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY!
It’s only fitting that this layout looks like a baseball on a tee from afar cause it’s time for me to knock this one out of Skipper Ripper Horner’s little league baseball field. Â ”Wind Funnel” made the ugly list this year NOT cause it’s from GT’s favorite stat geek buddy, Skipper Ripper, NOT because it’s a par 3 between 50 and 300 (yes, 300) yards, NOT because it HAS to be hole #16 and NOT because its concave green defies Golden Tee physics. Â What pushed this discombobulated drawing over the edge was the nerve of its designer to think it can play God. Â Skipper, leave the wind alone…
Seriously, Kyle – a Death Star?  Come on, man.  This isn’t World of Warcraft, this is Golden Tee, brother.  If you were going to put a famous theatrical “space star” as shortcut in a Golden Tee design I would expect something entirely more fitting, such as “Mega Maid” from Spaceballs.  Your geekery gave this hole absolutely NO credibility and as Dark Helmut said, “We’re done with you.  Now go to the golf course and work on your putz!”
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, grab your hats and look out for bats because what you’re entering now is certifiably, undeniably, guaranteed to involve wee… er – beer – CAVE portion of today’s trip.  In corner number one you have “The Cavern” by former Team USA member, Justin Taylor – a high-resolution, full color cave experience that oddly resembles an askew jack-o-lantern.  And in corner number two you have the aptly named “The Cave” by Brian Kirschner – Brian opted for the much cleaner Picture Pages approach to convey his stalagmite-filled vision. I hate to be a kiljoy, but unless you were born in one of these masterpieces you should know that there has never been and will never be, a CAVE HOLE in Golden Tee Golf.  If any reader should decide to send a cave idea in for 2011, please include a rock for illustration and self-clubbing purposes.
Flaming “The Finish Line” by Russ Green is the hardest UGLY ribbing I’ve ever done.  Why? Cause this design is so near and dear to my heart.  Here’s a Duffer Dan fact – I am a Indy Racing junkie, with a particular fondness for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.  It is my love and my sporting sanctuary.  So the day I received a call asking permission to use the Greatest Spectacle in Racing as a DAH inspiration, I was floored and could’t wait to see it – until I did.  Russ, sadly, I need to point some things out to you 1) according to scale your fairway is 1,144 yards long and your tee boxes are upwards of 300-yards wide 2) you moved pit road, Gasoline Alley AND the pagoda and 3) you replaced the famed “yard of bricks” with checkered paint.  Sorry to say it, buddy, but there are already 4 real golf holes inside of the Brickyard and they’ve got you topped.  With all this said, it still does make me happy to see my two loves cross paths, even if it’s uglier than the 1968 Lotus turbine.
Travis Schoonover’s “Rooftop Delight” rounds out this year’s medley of monstrous masterpieces and it’s not for his lack of creativity. Â Golden Tee has taken us to a variety of scary places before, but never any that would require a helicopter or Spidey senses to get from tee-to-green. Â What pushed me over the edge was.. the… thought… of getting pushed over the edge! Â Travis says “only the most daring players would go for the green in one” leaving out the fact that they scaled a damn building to tee-off! Â OK, Schoony, next time you decide to break out Photoshop, leave the RedBull in the fridge and back down the testosterone – you’re just too damn creative to end it all like this.
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So there you have it, folks – THE UGLY hole designs from the 2009 Design-a-Hole contest. Â And just in case my partner, Adam “Randy Rose” Kramer didn’t include enough disclaimers, we seriously appreciate efforts put forth by today’s contestants. Â You let us have a little fun with you and for that, we say thank you. Â Now you sir, I’d appreciate it if you kindly remove your sniper rifle from the parking lot and give ol’ Duffer Dan a nice big bear hug in celebration of today’s display of disfigured doodles!
[Man, I am on fire with the alliterations!]
So, until next year, I bid this series farewell and look forward to showing off THE GREAT of 2010.  As you know, this year’s Design-a-Hole finalists have been announced and they are nothing short of spectacular.  So don’t forget to start voting next week, all the while remembering, that on the deep, disturbed hard drive of Duffer Dan’s computer lies the dark and dirty secret files that will be known as the 2010 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly…
(After a few seconds of silence, people begin running around screaming. Someone takes a computer and throws it out the window.)
“Where the %^& is he?!”
(More screaming, more panicking, someone puts their head through a Golden Tee cabinet.)
“But….but….but….what about the BAD?!”
(Someone pulls a Molotov cocktail from their desk, lights it, and throws it. Before it can hit the ground, I, marketing associate and amazing story teller Adam Kramer, come out of nowhere and catch the cocktail with one hand and put the flame out with my mouth.)
“All is well, friends. All is well,” I proclaim. “The Show MUST and WILL go on.”
Okay fine, maybe that’s not “exactly” what happened but the fact of the matter is that everyone’s favorite Design-a-Hole dandy is absent. Â Duffer Dan is a busy man. In fact, as I write this he’s 35,000 feet above, sitting on a plane, off to his next great adventure. And so, Duffer called on me to fill in on this portion of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly just this once.
“This call to the bullpen is brought to you by Loud Mouth Pants. We make you look like a giant A-HOLE so your horrendous golf game doesn’t have to.”
So as a quasi-guest blogger (in this instance), I feel the need to keep up with the precedent that has been set. There’s something special about The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, and I’ll do my best to keep this GT staple alive and well.
With the easy one is out of the way, we carry onwards. Duffer showcased The Good in Part 1 of our three-part series, which means we are on to The Bad – a delicate and delightful category that showcases the “Oooppppps” of 2009.
Before we go on any further I have to offer up the following. A) This is all in good fun, so please don’t take any of this personally if you are included. In fact, be honored. You, and your design are now part of Golden Tee history. B) Being bad, isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s $%^&ing awesome. (Insert slow clap here)
If being bad at drawing a virtual golf hole will get you some notoriety on a blog that embraces a video game, then well…you see what I’m getting at. And if you’re still upset about getting tomatoed by a guy who writes about a video game, know this. I have the artistic skills of miniature horse and I feel your Crayola pain. Let’s take this pain, mix in some hilarity, and have ourselves a merry ol’ time.
Here they are, folks. THE BAD
The hole-layout actually looks quite awesome and pretty difficult. It's the presentation that somehow goes astray. This definitely gets the "What Could Have Been Award of '09." Perhaps the brown marker ran out at the wrong time? Hey, Beethoven was a little rough around the edges and he turned out juuuuuust fine minus the whole insanity thing. Regardless, keep at it, Craig!
B-Man (the person) is one hell of a Golden Tee player, but I think he might have missed the boat – at least for this particular contest. He might, however, be able to get a pretty penny for this thing at an art fair. If you want this hanging over your fireplace, you, me, and B-Man (the drawing and the drawer) can talk turkey.
Hello windmills! Well, at least the one on the right, not necessarily the upside down Ys on the hole. Could you imagine hitting through/around these babies? For now, however, there simply is no way this hole could make it into Tee. Imagine playing this on a windy day? This would make Savannah 17 seem like a 3-foot, flat putt.
While Sea-3 makes the shot selection pretty obvious, I don't think the trackball can create the type of shot required by looking at his diagram. I'm not even sure Mario Andretti could navigate his car through that opening. With that said, I know what Charles was going for here and with a few tweaks he might have something.
Lava did return in this year's update, but not in the form of the Eye of Sauron, I mean Brian's drawing. While the idea of lava flowing into Lost Creek is an interesting scene to imagine, I just can't get the visual from this design. He gets an A for effort here, but a C- for tree-drawing execution.
This does have the makeup of a closing hole, all be it one that's rough around the edges. The shot into the green would be a good one, so no problems there. It's more the moguls positioned directly in the fairway. Bode Miller approves this message, but Jim Z, unfortunately, did not.
It’s that glorious time again. The time where 35-year-old men steal their sons Crayola Crayons and go bonkers drawing up imaginary golf holes. As weird as that may sound, this action is nothing short of awesome in my book.
The Design-a-Hole contest is back and the submission period is underway. This means many of you are likely brainstorming ground-breaking ideas right now, wondering what sort of hole design you can submit into the contest that will attract the attention of our prestigious DAH judges.
ENTER: Marketing associate and Design-a-Hole informant Adam Kramer
While the decision portion of this contest is a little above my pay grade, I do have the luxury of sitting in on these meetings and hearing what the judges pick and more importantly why they pick what they do. In the process, I have been able to pick up some very important but simple information that can really help you get your design into the finals.
The next time you use your puce green crayon to fill in a fairway on your design, (all the while your son is crying in the background because you won’t share), use these tips to help guide you to the 2011 Design-a-Hole crown.
When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong
As sweet as a cave-centric hole might sound, I can guarantee you that this will not fit in any of the courses in Golden Tee 2011. SPOILER ALERT: There are no courses that take place in a cave next year so for the love of Jim Z, hold back the urge.
The reason I bring this up is because we had a ton of cave-like submissions last year. While some of the ideas weren’t half bad in terms of design, they just aren’t going to make it into the finals because they don’t have a spot in Golden Tee.
And it’s not just the cave holes we’re talking about. Unrealistic holes in general – aka absurd elevations, unreal settings, and just flat out ridiculous and impossible ideas are also thrown out pretty quickly.
Before you submit, look down at your drawing, close your eyes, and imagine yourself playing that exact hole and what clubs and/or strategy you would use. Is it impossible? Do you have a green that has a right-18 break? Does it require 3 full-fulls to even get to the hole? If so, you might want to rethink things a bit.
Many will play the “Golden Tee isn’t real golf” argument when they hear this, but work with me here, people. I know you’re trying to separate yourself from the rest of the pack, but you need to do this without jumping the shark GT-style.
Instead, Try This!
You all know the game and have a feel for what works and what doesn’t when it comes to GT. With this being the 3rd Design-a-Hole contest, you also now have an idea of what our Design-a-Hole judges are looking for. Combine these two important factors and sprinkle in your creative and vast GT experience, and PRESTO! You’ve got yourself a DAH contender. Sounds easy right? Well, kind of.
Example: I, for one, have always been fond of drivable par-4s because of the decision-making process that is involved when deciding how and when to try and drive the green. I also like water hazards, a bit of elevation, different tee boxes, and long walks on the beach. (Scratch the last part, but you see what I’m getting at). Because this is what I LIKE, I would try and create a unique, drivable par-4 with a few different ways to get screwed if you miss the green.
While my concept won’t lead to an automatic spot in the finals, using your own likes and dislikes and combining it into this thought process could help get you going. If you like extremely short, intricately crafted par-3s then go that route. If you’re a fan of 700+ yard par-5s, design away. Don’t feel like you have to pick a certain mold. Just do what you’d like to see in the game.
OR… You can send your Golden Tee buddy a couple of crisp Franklins and get fast-tracked into the finals. No, wait, I can’t. MUST….NOT….ACCEPT…BRIBES…
And Finally, Show Us Somethin’
While I stressed avoiding tomfoolery in your hole designs, I am going to encourage it from this point on.
Presentation is %^&*ing huge in this contest, you have to trust me on this. While I don’t have any say on what holes make it into the finals – I can tell you that creative submissions will get looked at much closer than the run-of-the-mill drawing. Last year we had YouTube videos, ransom notes, architectural builds, and other cool ideas. While none of these ideas ended up taking the DAH crown, they did receive extra attention for being unique.
This is the spot to really separate your design from everyone else – be it your description or overall presentation. I guarantee your chances will increase greatly if you are able to surprise the judges with something they haven’t seen. Easier said than done, but if you are going to focus your time on one area of this contest, THIS HAS TO BE IT.
Have fun with this – and don’t take it (or us) too seriously. If your hole is good and your design is intriguing, we just might be coming to your home town to throw the kick ass GT 2011 World Premiere in your home bar. Hopefully, you are from Miami or Hawaii – but we certainly won’t discriminate against locations that don’t carry the same pizzazz. (As much as I’ve pushed for it).
The GTB will be all about Design-a-Hole over the next few months. Check back next week for Duffer Dan’s brilliant 3-part feature: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly – a look at some of last year’s DAH entries that, well, caught our attention for better or worse.
Until then good luck, Design-a-holers.
-AK signing off (still thinking about bribes and sweet bar locations)
I was given the keys to the Golden Tee 2011 mobile only for a quick test drive, and needless to say I walked away floored. Yes, I work for the company so I suppose you would expect me to say this, but the experiences I shared in only a short time behind the wheel gave me a feeling unlike any I’ve had playing Tee.
